How does that look like.
Dear Lord.
I try so hard.
I tried so hard.
I am trying so hard.
but thank you for letting me see what triggers me.
it was more than just feeling excluded, abandoned or ignored.
I mean it's still not okay, but Lord idk what to do...
Am I doing anything wrong?
I just want a family
I just want a home
paulit-ulit na lang
Nauna nung pinamigay ako ni mama
tapos knila Lola, nung sinimulan nila ko iwanan sa bahay kasi sampid lang ako
sampid na nde ko lang inisip, sampid na sinabihan talaga na sampid lang ako
pag nasa party either nasa tabi lang ako or lagi nakabukod na lamesa.
ang lamesa ng sampid, kasama nila yaya
tapos pag kasama ko mga pinsan ko lahat sila sosyal, and here I am
pinipilit ko na maging katulad nila habang hinuhusgahan ako
eh saan pa ba ko pupunta
tapos nung akala ko sila Nikki at Marvin na pamilya ko, na pati pamilya nila pamilya ko na din pero yan nanaman tayo. Joke time lang nanaman pla
tapos nung nakilala ko si papa na ikinakahiyang sabihin na anak ako pag nasa handaan
or if mai handaan, kasama man ni papa o si auntie
ako lagi ang nasa tabi, at kung napupuna, ako ang sampid at sakit sa ulo ng pamilya
tapos si Daryl naman, akala ko nanaman mai pamilya
akala ko nanaman totoo na
hanggang ng sa Yell made sure na alam ko na minahal lang nila ko lahat kasi kme
nde nila ko mamahalin nde ng dahil sa kanya, wag ako ilusyonada
tapos cross culture naman
AYAN NANAMAN ANG AKALA
UMASA NANAMAN AKO
tapos included lang pala ko kasi I work A LOT of them
tapos mga kabarkada ko ngayon, oh, I mean nuon.
sila Lui, Melvie, Jayro, Regina, Gail, Krystal, etc.
ISA NANAMANG MALAKING JOKE TIME
Sinabi ko na mali paghinalaan sila na ganun sila magisip hanggang naconfirm ni Melvie
Lord
I tried so hard.
I am so tired....
I mean, I'll still try I guess.
I just wanna know, am I doing anything wrong.
Its better to hide.
I mean I can't blame them.
They don't know.
They have their own lives.
Masyado lang ako clingy
Masyado mgexpect
Masyado magbigay
You are more than enough Lord.
It's just I want an actual home and an actual family
I tried to be courageous.
I tried to RISE ABOVE.
I tried SO HARD.
God I am so scared
SO SO SO SO SO SCARED
But I am trying
I'm tired of forcing myself in
I'm tired of feeling at home over and over just to find out na ako lang pala nagiisip ng ganun
Pa-ulit ulit na lang ngyayari saken toh Lord
Na lahat ng magaganda na naiisip ko one day kasinungalingan lang pala
Nakakapagod na
Nakakapagod pagdaana paulit ulit na akala mo okay ka na, nahanap mo na
joke time lang pala
how can these be resolved Lord...
I am tired
You said that whatever destroyed me will heal me too
If family ruined me, it will heal me too
GOD.
where is family
what is family
how does it look like
how do I keep it
how do I maintain it
pagod na ko maging palaboy
sana kasing dali lang un ng "Oh! I like this place, I love these people." then you go through crap together then BAM! Fambam 4lyf!
I'm tired of being in a constant cycle na I find people, I love people, I go through things with people, I consider them as my people, then BAM!!! Joke time!!!! Ikaw lang nakakaalam na mahal ka nila at importante ka sa kanila.
God, idk.
I'm still gunna try.
I'm just saying I am so tired.
So so so so tired......
I need a home.
I need a family.
