Costs

Let us just list the costs of this if ever it happened

1. He is selfish
2. He is hella bunso
3. Tbh he sees the flaws of everyone and it takes time to see that he have so much craaaap too
4. He complains a lot (I mean thats okay, if he needs to vent then let it be, at the end of the day he wants to do what is right)
5. HE A KID

I mean before in MMM I thought of this haha and I decided na wag na lang lol kasi bunsong bunso xa and we are so parallel. I see myself in him and ang hirap magprosseso kasama nia kasi PAREHO KAME HAHA. Mga iyak nia pareho ng iyak ko. Mga reklamo nia pareho ng reklamo ko. Kelangan ko ng tao na mapapaisip ako ng nde ko pa naiisip haha

Uo nga ano, buti na lang nde kme natuloy lol

Pareho kme ng sides ng magnet lol naisip ko na to nuon kaya ako napunta kay Brian lol kasi si Brian at least nde kme parallel.

Jayro parallel na parallel. Lol

Aight! Good thing I did this haha lagi ko na lang isipin na parallel kme at maiinis lang ako magisip kasama nya haha

Is it over or is it still just a pause?

I don’t know, if I would be really honest well... you already know. I want to start over again and try again...

Well, I guess I wasn’t really “magic” to him

And I know that he is not thinking of me at all

I know that he probably have thought of all of the possible reasons and concluded how we are not going to work out and how I am not who he wants and how much he doesn’t know how to handle me and my crap and my crazy self and all

I mean I still want to try...

Lets see...

Why do I want him? Lol

(Here we go childish lalaland thoughts lol, whatever)

1. After a long time of being scared, I felt brave when he came around
2. I thought a lot of things in me died and when he came, most of the things that are good that I thought died came back to life.
3. After Yell I never wanted to risk again, I wanted to be sure. But when he came, I am willing to risk it all again. I am not afraid to get hurt again.
4. Aaaaand all the obvious things, like he cute and handsome and smart and Jesus loving and people loving and determined and ambitious and committed to people and funny and caring and whatevaaaa

Why do I want him back?

Actually hm lol thinking about it, I do want him back because I want to feel everything he made me feel and the security and whatever lol but hahaha I want my alone time right now I’ve been wanting this. So so wanted this, I just think that he is gone now and that makes me sad...

I rememeber even with Yell, I felt so stuck since I felt that I have to marry him now and I will never be single again! Then when I was with B, I thought that it sucks lol cuz I don’t even wanna be in a relationship BUT HERE I AM. And I guess THIS IS “what God wants” therefore I will just pretend that I am single in my mind since this is frustrating me.

Then now I am finally single!

It may or may not be Jay, but who carezzzzz (I care but lol whatever)

I know God have something great in store for him and I. It may be each other, it may be someone else but either way it will be great.

I needed this time and I longed for this.

So yah! Open ended it is with no period.

Jesus take tha wheeeeel