I miss Jesus.

I miss having Him in my life.
I miss having intimacy with Him.

I can't run away, I want to run away... but I can't.
Not because I feel guilty leaving or staying is the right thing to do.

It's just, Jesus became a huge part of me and He really is the Man I totally fell in love with.

God, I can't find my way back anymore....

I want to go back, I want to live how it used to be between You and I and more.

but God, I kept on failing You.
I constantly want to go back to who I used to be and feel free in a way that I am doing whatever I want without anyone telling me what to do. Not feeling judged, not feeling guilty, or feeling that I am doing something to please someone or anyone.

I know, it's bad. smite me nowww... I know....

But God, I just miss You. A LOT.

I'm just scared. I don't know... I've fallen. Everyone's judging me now.

I still love You and I still want to know You and do all those things for You.

But God, I'm confused.

I know, I promised You that I will only listen to Your one and only still voice.

There's so many voices God, SO MANY.

I'm sorry if I am hearing their voices and my voice! more than Your voice...
I want to be free from the chains that I put myself in God.

I want to walk hand in hand with You again and tell You everything and live as if I am married to You.

I am with someone else now...

I love him too God, A LOT and I know You know how much God.
But, I can't have you both...

God, why do you have to bring him back like this if he's not going to be the one.
It's so perfect, the only thing that is missing is You...

I want You here too God...
but the closer I am to him, the farther I am to You... :'(

and it hurts me so much how I always feel that I have to choose between you guys.

Isn't Your best guy going to make my relationship with You crazier than ever?
:"( God...

I prayed for Daryl SO MUCH God, WAY TOO MUCH.
I even asked You that if he's not the one just take him away from me and take every single feeling I have for him. I'm fine with every decision that You will make, if we're not meant to be just let every feeling fade but You brought him back...

not only that, you brought him back with all the love in the air for both of us.

I'm confused, I'm lost and I just want You back God.

Help me.