Today I hung out with Troie

In my house, at 11pm-1am
We had tea, watched TV and talked.

I was really scared to do this because, I know if Yell finds out it will hurt him.

I never wanted to hurt Yell.
NEVER.

I really thought about it and talked to Alexa if I should. And she said, if Daryl gets hurt maybe its his push to move on.

I am also nervous because I know I think Troie is very attractive. And I didnt know what to do because I feel like I am cheating. Even if technically I am not, because I am single.

I was going to back out, but Troie was already at my work to pick me up. So I guess. Lol

& you know, I always thought there is going to be potential between me and Troie.

But during our hang out, I saw how and why I still can't let go of Yell. Troie and I are just homies lol, and Yell is still my missing puzzle piece.

I really thought Troie could replace Yell and help me move on, but he actually made me love Yell more. Deeper than I thought I can.

Troie and I can relate very well since we are in kind of the same boat with our partners. We both feel like we are getting left behind in life & not have it all together while both of them are going further and further and doing great things. We're both having a hard time excelling in life but have the strong desire to achieve great things. And by the time we get there, we still both desire to have them as our prize or maybe not, but it would be great to have them there.

We both want them back when we have it all together. We both don't want them now because we're both still a huge mess, but if we have it all figured out maybe yeah, but since we don't, we just have to learn how to let go for now. We still love them deeply, its just Troie and I wants to give them both the best versions of us.

Its nice to have a friend who understands and on the same road as I am. I am glad.

Before, Troie for me is Yell's biggest threat, but after today. I realized that no one can ever come close to who Yell is in my life. Not even Troie. Not anyone else. NO ONE.

Yell will forever be the man who will make my day.

I wish I can tell him how much I love him right now.

I miss telling him that.

Maybe I'll just say it here for now.

I love you Yell, more than you could ever know.