Yell

Is been a year.

& it still hurts.
I don't know how long would it take for me to be completely healed but I trust God's love that He will restore me and make me new. I know how precious I am in His eyes that I will not stay this way whenever I remember you and all of you...

I miss Tux.
I miss Diva.
I miss Tito & Tita.

I still think you are disgusting.
But I honestly miss you bestfriend...
I miss you a lot to be honest...

I really really miss my bestfriend.

I never want you back as my boyfriend nor marry you or any of those. I just miss laughing with you, doing things with you, telling stuff to you.

I just miss you Yell...

When will you break up with your easy to get girl? So we can be friends again?

I have a higher chance of being at peace with your next one but not this one.

Whatever, everyone is just waiting till you can stop being stupid and self-centered.

After a year, I realized how free I got by losing you. I realized how much the Lord loves me and how great is His calling is for me. Having Him here and continually being transformed and having that amazing feeling that I am being more and more of that woman He created me to be is amazing. To be able to use all of my gifts in their full potential and use them for their original purpose makes losing my old life worth it.

It gave me a chance to actually live a better life. So, thank you.

A life where the Lord and I are super close and hand in hand. A life where the Lords presence is all over it.

It's amazing.

I hope you are not investing as much in your life here. Like how you look, how you can excel in your career. Its good to do that but I hope that is not the main focus on your life and I hope you would notice if it is taking over you.

I am enjoying my single life Yell.

I am scared to be in a relationship of course. My trust for that is completely gone.

Oh, don't give me that "it's because you ain't ready" BS

Of all people you are the one who knows nothing about being ready and have no right to say if I am ready or not. And what it is to wait or not. You know nothing because right now you are living a life from opposite of that.

But you know Yell, all I am praying for is that... I can have peace soon because I have no peace...

It's true when they said that once we were betrayed/cheated on, it will ruin the way you view relationships, you view yourself and the peace within yourself.

But the Lord is much more greater I trust Him.

But, you know this season gave me a chance to pour out everything I got to Him.

It made me see that I deserve so much better than a boy.

I deserve a true, strong man.

& not just any other man, but a true genuine man of God.

A man of integrity.
A man full of wisdom.
A man that is full of humility.
A man who will avoid recognition at all cost and never ever ask for a single thank you.
A man who will not be mad if they don't recieve that thank you.
A man who will always put others above themselves.
A man who knows His voice and follows it.
A man who loves to intercede.
A man who loves to intercede for others.
A man who will choose what will hurt and ruin them for the sake of Christ and not for any other person or themselves but God alone.

I saw a lot of men like this and I thought my standards were too high, but I actually met these men.

And what I learned is that, it doesn't mean that I like a person a lot and he likes me back a lot, is that we have to date and be together till idk.

That's just stupid because there is a lot of great men out there but not all of them is yours.

I realized that, that mentality is very High School.

I learned to value myself that I am not just any other women that I will just let every guy that I like have me. The Lord did not die for me and do all of these for me, just so I can date a bunch of random guys before I marry.

I know my King is preserving me and I want to be that woman that my husband will be proud to have because a woman is her husbands crown.

I don't know when will everything make sense but I trust my God's GREAT love for me that He will make it all good for me. Since I carry His name.