2 years.

Lord.
It's been 2 years.

Am I doing the right thing?
Am I choosing You by doing this?
Am I choosing Your way?

Lord.
Its been 2 years.

Sana magtuloy-tuloy na never ko na xa makikita.

As if he never existed.

I miss Tux beyond any comprehension.
I miss him and Diva so much.

I've been hurting Brian with my uncertainties.

I know Brian knows Lord.
I know he knows that there is still a part of me left with Yell...

Its not fair for him.

He's way too good for me.

No one ever ever given me the world and NEVER asked for anything in return and gets really mad if I recognize him or return the favor.

Aside from You of course haha

Brian's love for me is so so so grand.

Its just not fair that I am like this towards him...

I give him almost nothing...
Yet he still gives me everything he have...

If I say, I did choose to be with Brian for the rest of my life... would You be okay Lord? Would you be happy?

Do you trust him?

Actually in this case lol
Do you trust ME lol to handle such a heart like his...

I do love him now too Lord...
But not as much as anyone...

Just a tad bit.

And its not fair...

Lord, is he the man you trusted to handle my heart?

Because its been 2 years and ny heart is still deeply deeply deeply wounded...

And its affecting him...

I don't want to keep hurting Brian..

Wedding Planning

Its so weird to plan and prepare a wedding with you.

All my life, I was planning my wedding with Yell.

Now, sorry ah...
I am trying to envision everything with you.

Although it is one exciting and very challenging season. Thinking of marriage and all is too soon for me.

Although it would be a year or two from now.

Na uh

I wanna spend more time with Jesus.

I am just starting to love you.

All I asked KPizzles is the green to be in a relationship with you not marry you ASAP

Its like "Hello KP, we will be in a relationship."

"Cool, Spanish Service on 2016 then 2017 greenlight is yours and get married soon"

I am just like, that escalated quickly.

Zero to a hunnid foe realz

Like idk...

Honestly its been almost 2 years...
I moved on from being in a relationship, but the thought of marrying a different person is kinda... weird for me right now...

I am so used to see Yell there...

I don't want Yell to be there
Not anymore ever
I would rather die lol than marry Yell

But the thought of having someone else and not him... is weird for me....

I know you're saving up

But its too soon for me...

And I still have to go through a lot of healing...

Sorry this tainted everything and tons of things...

Everything scares the crap out of me.

The thought of planning my future with someone again. Building a life and everything with someone else scares me so much...

To put my security on someone else...

Again.

Terrifies me...

I am so not ready to get married.

I am just starting to love you.

I know everything is in snail time with me when it comes to you...

Please stay patient.
I am getting there...