Saturday, December 16, 2017

Tatlo

Sa tatlong taon, gusto ko makaisa.
Tatlong taon na at gusto ko makaisa pero parang nde ako makaisa....

Sa eskwela, nakaisa ba ako.
Eh nde ako matapos tapos...

Sa trabaho, simple palang din.

Pangarap na trabaho wala padin.
Degree nga hirap eh.

Gusto ko panghinayangan pero parang isa akong babae na natutuwa ka na nde mo kasama.

Pero Lord...

Salamat padin sa lahat.
Ang ganda ng kwarto ko.
Ang ganda ng kotche ko.
KASAMA KO SI TUX.

Alam mo Lord, salamat kasi pinakinggan mo dasal ko kai Tux na kala ko imposible. Pati ang magkaron ng magandang kwarto :)

Nalulungkot at naiinis ako ng sobra kasi parang nde ako makaisa...

Sa trabaho, sa eskwela, sa career, sa pangarap.

Buong buhay ko Lord dun ako umikot.
Sa mga pangarap ko.
Na madaming nagsasabi na nde matutuloy...

Gusto ko ipakita na kaya ko.
Na ako panalo.

Lord :(

"Diba you asked me if u can work sa banko before? Diba isa sa pangarap mo un?"

Yes po

"Diba isa pang impossible na akala mo pahirapan, na makukuha mo si Tux AT titira kayo sa iisang bahay na mai pinto sa likod"

"Diba you asked me din na magkakotche ka"

"Did it all happen in a way that you want? Nde diba, pero nagyari ba. Yes.

So MaiQui, ang buhay mo is not meant to be lived para makaisa ka sa mga nanakit sayo. Wala kang kalaban, wala kang pinagkukumpara, proseso ko diba. Alam ko pinagkakatiwalaan mo ko. Ituloy mo lang. Tandaan mo mahal na mahal kita, lahat ibbgay ko sayo. Lahat ng gusto mo ibbgay ko sayo. Wala namang masama sa mga pangarap mo eh. Pagkatiwalaan mo lang ako :) mahal na mahal kita anak. Hindi ko hahayaan na pati ako mapahiya. :)

Lhat ng gusto mo at pangarap mo ibibigay ko, pangako ko yan. At ng nde sa proseso na alam mo. Nde sa proseso na kaya mo.

Business na mggng creative ka,
Buhay na mgccreate ka for a living
Exciting na buhay na mgccreate

Rerespetuhin ka, mamahalin at titingalain

Kotche na maganda
Bahay na maganda

Pera na nde mo iisipin kung kasya

Mngyayari lahat yan, trust me.

Nanay mo mabbgyan mo ng bahay, damit at magandang buhay.

Trust me."

"Wag ka kasi magmadali, mas maganda kung lalakad ka ng tapos na lahat, nde ng lalakad ka ng minamadali"

Lord pano next semester nde ko alam. Wala ng classes. Graphic Design classes? Permission code? Lord... SOMS waitlist #30 ako JUSKO.

Nde pwede sa fall, uuwi ako ng pilipinas...

LORD HALA ANO BA YAN 2020.

LORD NAKAKAIYAK.

WAG NAMAN LORD PLEASE MAAWA KAAAAAAAAAAAA

😢😢😢😢😢😢

Lalakad ako PAG 30 NA KO, mai masters degree pa ba ako... PAG 40 NA KO.

Tas make a difference pag SINGKWENTA NA KO.

Lord... :'(

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

I am tired of shallow conversations and people dodging the dark issues.

I never left anyone and I REALLY REALLY wanna get rid of him in my life.

This is the reason why your brother is so messed up!

First of all I don't wanna be closely associated with someone who spells messed and pissed as "mest" and "pist"

And always says woman in plural form.

Freakin "Wonder Women"


I just want to have a friend that is deep.

And you are not even that, what more as being the life partner. That is going to be a huge waste of life.

I am tired of shallow conversations and people dodging dark issues.

Would the dark be dealt with when it is ignored?

Like it would magically disappear?!??!

OKAY ENJOY YOUR LIFE FULL OF DECEPTION.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

God bat ganun

Andali ko ulit malungkot.

Nmmiss ko nnman xa nakakainis.

Ilang taon na.

God ano ngyyari...

God...

Kelan ba na gigising ako sa umaga...
Na masasabi ko na nde ko na xa mahal...

Mahal?

Ano nga ba yon.

Ano nga ba ibig sabihn pag mahal mo ang isang tao?

Mahal nga ba.

Alam mo God, bat ganun...

Ayaw ko na magkapamilya sa knea
Ayaw ko na magkafuture kasama xa

Pero... xa parin nakikita ko dun...

Alam mo God, alam ko alam mo lol

Pero ssbhin ko padin

Alam ko nde xa perpekto
Alam ko madaming palpak sa knea

Pero bat ganun...

Maxado ba ko nasanay na piliin xa

Antagal na ah
Antagal tagal tagal tagal na

Umiiyak paden ako...

Kelan ba mapipiga lahat ng luha ko para sa knea
Samantalang pag ako nasa isip nia

Tag tuyo.

Njan naman si Brian na mahal na mahal ako...
Sobra sobra ako na mahal...

Pero nde ko xa kayang mahalin...

Ayaw kong pumili
Ayaw kong isipin

Ayaw ko isipin kung sino man na lalake

Nakakapanliit
Nakakapanginsulto sa pagkababae

Parang ang lande

Ayaw kong magmahal ng paulit-ulit at paulit-ulit na iwan.

God..........

Risk?

I don't want to take any, anymore...

Maiintindihan ba nia un, ever Lord?

Si Marvin natuto.
Si Marvin nagsisi.

Xa, would he ever ba?

Pano xa gumigising araw araw ng masaya?
Pano xa ngccelebrate ng anniversary nila ng nde nia naaalala lahat ng kagaguhan nia.
Pano xa tumingin sa salamin at sabihin sa sarili nia na ang saya saya nia at sabihin na lahat ng ginawa nia tama.

Pano xa bigla bigla magmahal ulit.

God...

Hala....

Alam mo ung kala mo healed ka na.

You find yourself crying over the same exact thing again...........






Everything just creeps in.
Like nbd





Out of nowhere.






Dear manong na gusto ko ng patayin sa buhay ko.

Do you ever have moments like this too?
Till today.

Or you're still drowning in your selfishness.






Most likely still enjoying the sea of selfishness.






God....
Please make it all stop..





Sunday, May 14, 2017

DEAR JESUS, THANK YOU.

Salamat sa viber at nakausap ko si Aj at Nikki :)

Masaya na kp ulit.

Salamat :))

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Tux.

Tayo na lang
Kaw na lang bestpren ko.

No human can be trusted
At least ikaw aso.

Better chances na matino ka.

DEAR JESUS I NEED FRIENDS.

I can never trust ANYONE around here EVER.

Everyone is stupid.
Everyone is shallow.

God, I want to crawl back in my island.
I want to crawl back in my cave.

Why can't Nikki be here God.

10 years na Lord, wala parin Nikki #2.

Akala ko si Daryl na un actually eh.
Then joke time lang pala.

Gago din pala.

Wala na God.
Ewan.

DEAR JESUS I NEED FRIENDS.

I can never trust ANYONE around here EVER.

Everyone is stupid.
Everyone is shallow.

God, I want to crawl back in my island.
I want to crawl back in my cave.

Why can't Nikki be here God.

10 years na Lord, wala parin Nikki #2.

Akala ko si Daryl na un actually eh.
Then joke time lang pala.

Gago din pala.

Wala na God.
Ewan.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

I just need someone I can be free with
I need someone I can talk to more than just the surface level conversations

I need someone to inspire me
I need someone to listen to me
I need someone to have deep conversations with
I need someone that I can speak freely to
I need someone I can say anything and they won't think any different

God, I just want someone I can say things about you and my struggles about you and my situations about you.

I need a friend.

You know what God, no one will ever understand
No one will care to understand

After 10 or more years of feeling free...

I feel like an island again.











I don't want any casual friends
I don't want any usual friends
I don't want any situational friend

I had enough of those.






God I want a true friend.







I've never had one since Nikki.

Its 11:46pm & people are sleeping.















Can someone just call me God.


Could you please send a human friend rn.
Please.







Love, maiqs.

I just had a solid realization

There is no one I can ever trust around me.
No one is there to listen unconditionally.
No one is there to read between the lines.

I will be civil with the world.
But I will remain closed.
I will stay in my comfortable shell.

I don't care if my expectations are very high
I don't care if my walls are getting high

I need a friend
I want a friend

I need someone like Nikki rn...

I miss my bestfriend.