Wednesday, May 17, 2017

God bat ganun

Andali ko ulit malungkot.

Nmmiss ko nnman xa nakakainis.

Ilang taon na.

God ano ngyyari...

God...

Kelan ba na gigising ako sa umaga...
Na masasabi ko na nde ko na xa mahal...

Mahal?

Ano nga ba yon.

Ano nga ba ibig sabihn pag mahal mo ang isang tao?

Mahal nga ba.

Alam mo God, bat ganun...

Ayaw ko na magkapamilya sa knea
Ayaw ko na magkafuture kasama xa

Pero... xa parin nakikita ko dun...

Alam mo God, alam ko alam mo lol

Pero ssbhin ko padin

Alam ko nde xa perpekto
Alam ko madaming palpak sa knea

Pero bat ganun...

Maxado ba ko nasanay na piliin xa

Antagal na ah
Antagal tagal tagal tagal na

Umiiyak paden ako...

Kelan ba mapipiga lahat ng luha ko para sa knea
Samantalang pag ako nasa isip nia

Tag tuyo.

Njan naman si Brian na mahal na mahal ako...
Sobra sobra ako na mahal...

Pero nde ko xa kayang mahalin...

Ayaw kong pumili
Ayaw kong isipin

Ayaw ko isipin kung sino man na lalake

Nakakapanliit
Nakakapanginsulto sa pagkababae

Parang ang lande

Ayaw kong magmahal ng paulit-ulit at paulit-ulit na iwan.

God..........

Risk?

I don't want to take any, anymore...

Maiintindihan ba nia un, ever Lord?

Si Marvin natuto.
Si Marvin nagsisi.

Xa, would he ever ba?

Pano xa gumigising araw araw ng masaya?
Pano xa ngccelebrate ng anniversary nila ng nde nia naaalala lahat ng kagaguhan nia.
Pano xa tumingin sa salamin at sabihin sa sarili nia na ang saya saya nia at sabihin na lahat ng ginawa nia tama.

Pano xa bigla bigla magmahal ulit.

God...

Hala....

Alam mo ung kala mo healed ka na.

You find yourself crying over the same exact thing again...........






Everything just creeps in.
Like nbd





Out of nowhere.






Dear manong na gusto ko ng patayin sa buhay ko.

Do you ever have moments like this too?
Till today.

Or you're still drowning in your selfishness.






Most likely still enjoying the sea of selfishness.






God....
Please make it all stop..





Sunday, May 14, 2017

DEAR JESUS, THANK YOU.

Salamat sa viber at nakausap ko si Aj at Nikki :)

Masaya na kp ulit.

Salamat :))

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Tux.

Tayo na lang
Kaw na lang bestpren ko.

No human can be trusted
At least ikaw aso.

Better chances na matino ka.

DEAR JESUS I NEED FRIENDS.

I can never trust ANYONE around here EVER.

Everyone is stupid.
Everyone is shallow.

God, I want to crawl back in my island.
I want to crawl back in my cave.

Why can't Nikki be here God.

10 years na Lord, wala parin Nikki #2.

Akala ko si Daryl na un actually eh.
Then joke time lang pala.

Gago din pala.

Wala na God.
Ewan.

DEAR JESUS I NEED FRIENDS.

I can never trust ANYONE around here EVER.

Everyone is stupid.
Everyone is shallow.

God, I want to crawl back in my island.
I want to crawl back in my cave.

Why can't Nikki be here God.

10 years na Lord, wala parin Nikki #2.

Akala ko si Daryl na un actually eh.
Then joke time lang pala.

Gago din pala.

Wala na God.
Ewan.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

I just need someone I can be free with
I need someone I can talk to more than just the surface level conversations

I need someone to inspire me
I need someone to listen to me
I need someone to have deep conversations with
I need someone that I can speak freely to
I need someone I can say anything and they won't think any different

God, I just want someone I can say things about you and my struggles about you and my situations about you.

I need a friend.

You know what God, no one will ever understand
No one will care to understand

After 10 or more years of feeling free...

I feel like an island again.











I don't want any casual friends
I don't want any usual friends
I don't want any situational friend

I had enough of those.






God I want a true friend.







I've never had one since Nikki.

Its 11:46pm & people are sleeping.















Can someone just call me God.


Could you please send a human friend rn.
Please.







Love, maiqs.

I just had a solid realization

There is no one I can ever trust around me.
No one is there to listen unconditionally.
No one is there to read between the lines.

I will be civil with the world.
But I will remain closed.
I will stay in my comfortable shell.

I don't care if my expectations are very high
I don't care if my walls are getting high

I need a friend
I want a friend

I need someone like Nikki rn...

I miss my bestfriend.