I want to run away.
God I don’t know if I can do this forever thing with Anjero when I feel like I am just going to be this huge burden to him.
He doesn’t even care or respect the things that I care about the most and thinks its stupid.
He says he accepts me for who I am but real talk I think he is annoyed of me and thinks that I am a childish menace.
He is one of those people who thinks they know me and live to correct me "for my own good"
God am I making a mistake again…
I don’t know, am I even safe to feel these things?
I feel like I shouldn’t.
When I have episodes like this its like a huge burden to him.
Maybe he needs someone who wont be a burden. Someone who won’t ask or need anything from him and just give him whatever he wants and needs.
I feel like I will always be "too much" for his wonderful life he just wont admit it.
Can I even say these?
These will be too much for him because he said he is going through a lot so must not be bothered.
God I don’t feel safe all of a sudden.
God I am so scared.
God I am terrified that it cripples me.
So much…
I know he will help me carry things but I know he will complain about it.
For now he is okay, I guess.
When this happens forever he will be tired.
Then I will be blamed.
He is cool now but he doesn’t know yet.
God I am scared that one day he will realize that this is too much. I mean I already am.
And I am not even in my full form of crazy to him yet.
I don’t feel so safe all of a sudden.
Its not like I like feeling that way.
I just do & I am not going to apologize for that.
Let him continue live his normal life that makes sense. He needs to find another one that have a life that makes sense.
I don’t know God I don’t think I can do this.
This whole silent treatment too.
If this will happen each time, its not working.
I try to say "oh he really is just processing everything is gunna be fine"
I find more things that I have issues with then I wanna leave and get so mad and I feel paralyzed.
Literally I can’t function.
This is so stupid.
0 comments:
Post a Comment