In every season, You are STILL God.

I know it's weird to talk about God right after sex.

But, I just want to feed the part of me that wanted to stop and fall in love with Jesus again.
I don't know... how to pursue this...

I don't know how can I do this, but I know... God sees a repentant heart...
I'm just scared that maybe my heart is not repentant enough since there's always a part of me that doesn't want to stop.

But you know what, the more I write this, the more I just don't want to continue doing it anymore.

I know I still have A LOT of things to do to get back at it...

But, I'll try some new come back strategy this time.

I'll take it all slow.

I will start with doing my best not to look at Yell lustfully anymore, nor seduce him.
I will do my best to take out sexual immorality.
It just completely taken over us.

And, me...
My heart.

It's not a heart of a P31 no more.

I started to look at another man without feeling guilty.
I hated it. It's not right...

But that made me realize that...
maybe because I just left my One true Love so that a regular man can have me completely...

My heart started to be filled with worldy things.

Also, I realized that when I looked at my old photos.
Even if I am living the way I wanted, nothing can really beat the life walking hand in hand with Jesus.

Oh my gosh, JESUS.

I haven't said that AMAZING name for such a LONG TIME.
JESUS.

GOD I'M SO SORRY.

HELP ME NOT TO RUN AWAY ANYMORE.
HELP US.

HELP ME AND YELL GOD PLEASE.

I have sinned against You God, like CRAZY.
But, can I still come back in Your arms?

I'm so sorry God, I can't promise You that I'm NEVER EVER doing it again, but I will do my best to make that possible.

I still long to serve You God with ALL MY HEART.
I still long to serve and love YOU with EVERY SINGLE THING I HAVE.

Please God.

I know You're moving.

And God... if You have to break us, go ahead.

Do whatever it takes.

I can't promise that I wont whine when I get hurt but I will let it be if that's what needs to be done to restore the fire in Yell and I's hearts.

YOU AND I AGAIN.
FOREVER.

God, please don't let us go....
:'(