I am ending his year horrible.

I started this year very hopeful that this could all end and that I can finally move forward.

I don't even know why I am crying & balling.

I just wanted to sleep.

God... everything still haunts me...

I'm tired of being a forever failure.

I just wanted to be great.

I want to be someone that this world would be proud to have.

I feel like I am the pit again.

Very empty.

It's all my fault.

When will i stop saying when...

Maybe, as soon as labs starts working...

Maybe, I could break up with him by then...

Maybe, I could end my selfish life and go back to being a servant of God...

Same would go to him...

I'm just terrified that...

There is a possibility that God may not give him back anymore cuz he could belong to someone else..........

And I am for someone else...............

I have that strong feeling that he is not for me and God is not in favor of our relationship...................

I am afraid to let go.....
I am TERRIFIED.

I lost him once already..........

I was SUPER close to let him go I am 99.9 or even closer! I was super happy God I was SUPER almost free........ Why do you have to show him to me again....