Akala ko lang pala lahat.

Akala ko mahal mo talaga ako.
Akala ko tanggap mo ako.
Akala ko nakahanap na ako.
Akala ko masaya na.
Akala ko okay na.
Akala ko perfect na ko sa mata ng isa.
Akala ko sigurado ka.
Akala ko pareho tayo.
Akala ko iba ka.
Akala ko ako lang nagiisa sa buhay mo.
Akala ko ako na standard mo.
Akala ko ikaw na sagot sa mga dasal ko.
Akala ko akin ka na.
Akala ko nakahanap na ko ng sasalo saken.
Akala ko nakahanap na ko ng nde ako iiwan.
Akala ko nakahanap na ko ng mas sobra pa na mahal ako kesa sa mahal ko xa.
Akala ko ikaw na yon.
Akala ko lang talaga.
Akala ko ikaw na tatama ng mga mali sa buhay ko.
Akala ko ako na ung mgkukumpleto ng mga kulang.
Akala ko ikaw na ung mgkukumpleto ng mga kulang saken.

Sabi ko, ikaw lang tama sa buhay ko.
Ikaw lang.
Nde pala.
Wala na pala talagang tama sa buhay ko.




Ang tanga ko, nde ko nakita yon.
Ang tanga ko lang.
6 years din yon.



Mali pala lahat.
Ang tanga ko.

Kaya mo siguro ako iniwan kasi ang tanga tanga ko.
Sorry ah






Akala ko ikaw na ung missing puzzle piece ko.
Sorry, minahal lang kita ng sobra sobra.

I don't want you to move on.

I don't you to let me go.
I don't want to let you go.

I'm the one who always work hard.
I'm the one who always try.
I'm the one who always have something to fix.

I saw your messages to Mitzi.
Some of them hurt.
Some of them made me feel better.

I saw how you're losing your love for me.
or interest, because of how much of a failure I am.

How you thought you love me, but it was just all pity...

I also saw that you were having dilemmas
and said that you still want to keep me and be with me for the rest of your life.

It's just... I'm the one who got hurt.
I gave up EVEN JESUS for you.
I gave up my opportunities in the Philippines for you.

And I am the one who needs to still please you.

I know, maybe you think it's not fair... and you've thought about this...
That's why you're leaving...

It just hurts to think that I am the one who always have to fight for this.
I am the one who always have to do something.
I am the one who always have to keep it all together for us.

and you always leave.
you always ask for time...

I know... I should leave... since you said you don't want to see me hurt.
You said it's not fair...

But you know...
I am willing to still do it everyday.
Even if you're giving up on me.
Even if you're losing it.

I'm going to give it all.
I'm going to work on it.
I'm going to fight for it.

With everything I got.

Even if you stop.
I'll never stop.

Even if I have to do it all by myself.

But you know...
If I see one day you are happier without me.
It's fine.

I'll leave, but that won't stop me from loving you.

I love you Yell.
I love you very very very very very much.

Please don't give up.
Please don't leave.

I love you.

Last day na to pramis.

Bukas tatayo na ako ulit.
Bukas gagalaw na ako.
Bukas nde na ako magmumukmok.
Bukas tatapangan ko na.
Bukas kakalimutan ko na.

Ginusto ko toh.
Pinagdasal ko to mangyari.

Nabigay na saakin.
Sinabi naman na ni God na babalik xa eh. FOR SURE.
Sinabi din niya na madami pang blessings na dadating.

Papakatatag lang ako.
Mmove on na ko bukas.

Bukas lalaban na ako.

Para akong tanga.

Para akong tangan pinipilit sarili ko sa kanila.

Gusto ko lang ng kausap.
Gusto ko lang makadinig ng boses.
Gusto ko makakita ng tao.
Gusto ko makadining ng tao.

Gusto ko ng kausap.






Gusto ko maayos lahat.
Gusto ko ng payapa.

They said depression only last a week.

Okay, malapit na Sunday.
Sunday, I will be better.

Sunday I will be okay.
I will be happy.

I can think again.
I can focus again.

Self-esteem: As low as it can be.

She's so pretty.
She sings so pretty.
She have so much fans.
She's a fob too.
I bet she loves Jesus too.
She loves food too.






She's better than me.




My voice is not developed.
My hair is tooooo big and poofy.
I don't have many fans.
I'm lame.
I'm immature.









I feel so small.
super small.




This is what I was scared for him to see.
I thought it would be okay.
I thought he will be okay.
I thought he is totally okay.
He was actually just trying to be okay with all my flaws.



5 years.





He's been putting up with me for 5 years.




I thought I was okay.
I thought I was more than good enough.















 I thought I found someone who loves me more.

Tama na mukmok MaiQui...

Kaya mo toh.












Nde ko lang talaga alam gagawin ko...
Nde ko alam kung saan ako pupunta.
Nde ko alam kung papakatatag ba ko, papakatotoo ba ako.










Ang sakit sakit na.

I just reviewed all my blogs from the very beginning.

I remembered how MUCH I love you.
How MUCH I pray for you.
and how MUCH I desire to be that woman of God for you.

I always pray that you will be with God.
I saw what happened when we disobeyed.

It was great in the beginning but it slowly get bad because of our disobedience.
The Lord said wait, and we didn't listen.

I feel like, I was making process and he was already going to move in your life.
But then I came... and I made you stumble and stopped it for you.

I saw how God is not done with us yet, it's just we rushed into things.

I saw how I dreamed of taking you to bible studies and fellowships and retreats and hang out with my friends and talk about Jesus all day long.

I almost forgot about that.

I saw how much I missed your parents and how much I prayed not only for you, but for every single one of you.

I hope that this is the season that we are both starting over again.
That the Lord is really just in the process of shaping us.

I remember praying for you and saying that if you're not for me at least come back to me as your best friend. I thought that was some kind of wishful thinking, but I got something better.

I remember telling God that if you are not the one once you come back after that one year, I should not see a bit of me in you... but you came back wanting me more than before.

I remember just running God's race because I want to catch up with you, because I always see you as this super mature Man of God and you deserve a woman that is hidden in God's hands.

Maybe now... I'll just do my best to run as fast as I can to God and just hope that someday I will see you next to me.........

Someday....

Sana lang....

I will forever pray for you.
I will pray for your walk, every single day.
I will never give up until your heart is close to the Lord.
Or even if you already got closer to Him, I will forever pray that each day will be an opportunity for you to be closer to God.

If you are not for me...
just like how I always say in this blog.

If you are not for me...
At least I can be there for you through the prayers I will ask to the Lord for your life.

'cuz if you are not for me, I know you will be with someone else... and maybe I can't stand to see that day... so even if I am far away... I will still pray for you.




Maybe I should stop desiring you back...
I will just keep praying that your heart will be free and will always pursue God and have a fire for Him that the world have to see.

If you are mine, you will be mine.

But it is more important for you to have Him in your life.
So, I'll do my best to disregard any desire I have... to have you back....
and just pray that you will grow spiritually everyday
and reach your full potential as a Great Man of God.

Siguro nga...

Pareho tayo ng nararamdaman...

Ako din nawalan na ng pag-asa sayo.
Sa totoo lang, when I close my eyes, I don't see you there anymore.

It took me this long too, because I just don't want to lose you.
I really honestly feel the same.

I really feel that there is no hope too...
Right now...

And I don't know in the future too...

I honestly see myself with someone else now...
Someone I haven't met...

Not you...

But I really hope it is you.
I really really really do.

I really really really love you Yell.

I will never ever forget you.
It was such a great adventure with you...

If you are not God's best, I am just thankful that I had a glimpse of him through you.

I've never been happy with anyone like how happy I am with you.

I hope all we need is time.
I really hope that someday there is still you and me.

I really really hope that you're still mine, and forever will be mine.

I love you.
I love you Yell.
Very very very much.

Someday sana, kung akin ka talaga...
Kung hahayaan tayo ni God...
Sana akin ka talaga...

I love you.

Maybe I am giving up on us.

Okay, lets see...
I will honestly list the things I don't like about you.

You are not the man of God you once were.
          Maybe it's because the Lord is not done with you yet and this is obviously not the perfect time to be with you because of that reason. But I always know that my God's best loves God more than me, his family, his dreams and his career. And even if you do love God, you love your family more and value your career more. Maybe, that's why I am drifting away from you... cuz I don't see Him with us.









Actually that's it, I can't think of any.

But, even if it's just one, this is the MAIN factor why I want to stay in any relationship.
Maybe it's time for me to leave you for good.
Maybe it's good to not have you in my life.









Starting today,
I will take away every single care I have for you.
I will take away all the memories we have.
I will ignore that you care for me.
I will forget how you see me.





You are just like everybody else now.
I don't care about you anymore.