Too much

I guess I will always be too much

aaand...

There was one who can handle the too much

There was one who wanted to stay forever

Even if I was super crazy

And my stupid ahh don’t wanna get with that

Here I am chasing a guy who doesn’t wanna deal with my extra self

He is not coming back

He’s decided

It costs too much to be with me

I am too crazy

Nobody wants us to be together

Odds are not in our favor

I have too much

It costs too much

I think he will come to the conclusion that its not worth it

I know he said that we should leave it open ended

But I am ending it

At some point

Soon.

I wanna end it today

But idk

Cuz I know myself

Once I make a decision I am gone forever

But I don’t want to put it on the side anymore

I wanna kill it

I don’t want him to have something to hold on to

I don’t wanna go where he decides to go

Okay.

Tonight let’s say that I am 98% declaring that I will do my best to kill it

And stop hoping for it

And he will be forever that friend that I was interested in that never happened

I hate everyone and I wanna die

Will be cutting some people off soon

Possibly more than half of my “friends”

Who can I keep...

I am keeping:
Jerona
Mick
Rosemary
Gilbert
Manny
Krystal**
Alexa**



I never needed plenty of friends I need to weed out people.
I was always the 2-3 friends kinda gal


I hate everyone
I hate everything

Lord I wanna die

Nde na babalik yun

I’m sure he is counting the costs
I’m sure he overly analyzed everything

And I have a great feeling that he will come into a conclusion that it’s not worth it


Unang-una ang gulo-gulo
Sa mga kaibigan
Sa kai B
Tas ako pa, parang tanga
Tas iniisp pa nia isa akong sinungaling
Tas iniisp nun immature ako
Tas baka inisip din nun napaka taray ko sa tao

It costs too much...

WELL, nde pa naman tamang oras LOL
pero ewan...

God said that the wait will reveal the true intentions of the heart



But idk, I’m okay with the wait...
It’s just feeling ko lang talaga nde na xa babalik Lord..



Well Lord kasi, parang kahit saan angulo tignan magulo at sa side nia nde ako siguro ano mukhang worth it na ipaglaban.



Sa mata nia feeling ko...
Narealize nia na andami ko pala problema
Tas baka mukha ako manloloko
Tas ang taray taray ko pa
Tas kadikit ng kinabukasan saken, resentment kai Brian tas pati kai Melvs naman siguro tas siguro si Lui din.

Nako isa pa un.... ang friends ko na minahal ko
ANYWAYS LORD THATS A DIFFERENT STORY




Ang gaga ko kasi








Bwiset




Well, he values his friends.
He loves his friends
His friends loves him

And ako, I’m just a girl that he’s interested in.
Well, was interested in.








Sa mga ngyayari, does he even care.













Bilang kaibigan siguro I am not the best kaya madali lang ako itchapwerahin










As for me...










maybe it didn’t cost too much for me to be with him
It will be more of a gain






Well, feeling ko mai pagkaselfish xa minsan
Minsan nahihirapan xa makita sarili nia na xa din mai problema
Dadating din dun pero aabutin ng 10 years

Aaandd.... I think na baka parang sila din xa
Kasi as a friend I love him A LOT
I really considered him as the one of people I hold dear in my heart

Silang dalawa ni Lui


Jowable o nde lol minahal ko na sila ng sobra


Pero.... I don’t think they see me the same kahit sa ganun na level








I mean sa ngayon, sobrang thankful ako sa singleness ko
















& wala ako friends na mawawala so ano naman cost nun for me






& ung mga bagay na iimbyerna ako sa kanya okay lang naman saken,
parte naman ng pagkatao nia un


























anyways, sa dulo ng lahat masaya naman ako sa singleness ko ngayon at sobrang kailangan ko xa.
kung babalik xa NGAYON, malamang magpapaextend ako ng pagkasingle kasi andami ko pa kakainin at gustong ayusin at tahakin














It's just I don't think na babalik pa xa.















I mean who knows pero sa mga probability
naiisip ko nasa 80/100 chances tayo na nde xa babalik



















gusto ko tumuloy umasa pero wag na lang
kasi mejo naiimbyerna na din ako sa gulo





I mean worth it naman xa
kya lang ang gulo eh...













& madami pa kelangan gawin, and parang eto na ang last thing sa agenda ko.

























Next year pagkagraduate ko, iniisp ko na sana sumubok kme ulit
Pero, mukhang malabo na mgyari un






















Sya na
Sya na ang kwento ng aking naudlot na istorya lol








Ang aking ALMOST lol

SIDE BAR

I still don't regret losing B even with all of these drama

I know this would happen
& I say worth it, any day.











kung mai IBA jan na magchichismisan








Kung mawala si B at magunaw ang mundo dahil iniwan ko xa
WORTH. IT.












Kung di dahil dun, nde ko malalaman na madami pala ko true friends
At sa mga tanga na nde naintindihan ang statement ko
sarcastic po iyon, bow.

2018, the year I saved money on Christmas gifts & bday gifts

This got some great advantages.

idk what you are doing Lord but tbh people wise, I am honestly hating them more
LOL
Encourages me to be an oyster for the rest of my life more than anything

God, should I even try.
I look desperate
I feel desperate

I am good by myself
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN GOOD ALONE

I don't need PEOPLE

LORD

ESPECIALLY
F A K E
PEOPLE

I don't wanna go back to that angry MaiQs that's down to kill anyone











"love anyways, love regardless, love always"














I want to have a cutting off spree
















Idk Lord, I am letting my guard from fear down, cuz you said that's not the right way to love people and I should not operate in fear.

"BE MADE PERFECT IN LOVE"








































I am tired of feeling disposable Lord.
I am tired of feeling like a garbage can.












Something that people use when they need to put some crap in
Something that people throw once they are done with it






















I wanna go back to shutting people off
& just be kind to them
& be caring to them









& not let anyone get to me
IN A GOOD OR BAD WAY






















I just want to be in a place where I belong
I place where I can breathe Lord


I just want people I can run with









You know a place that I can let my hair down
People that won't dispose me if I ever did anything stupid

















hmm, maybe I should just cut everyone off and just start new.








idk Lord.

Would I be part of a clique?

I feel like my friends always have cliques.

And I am in NONE OF THEM

I mean I guess its okay but Lord its been very sad and lonely
And it looks like there is something wrong with me

Do I have friends?

The people who I thought were friends doesn’t even think of me as a friend.

I don’t know Lord.













I hate people. 😑

SO THANKFUL

LORD

THANK YOU!

I am SO SO SO THANKFUL for this season

Lord, thank You for this place where I can throw up LOL & thank You for listening to all of that.
Thank You for being so constant in my life.
Thank You Lord for LOVING ME, SO MUCH!

It's crazy

Thank You Lord that the pattern ended with Jay.
Thank You for doing this Lord

& I am SO THANKFUL that Jay listens to You
God, I am SO THANKFUL na we didn't move forward

Whatever reason Jay have, I AM THANKFUL.

I needed this time SO MUCH



Thank You for letting me re-read everything over the years Lord.
Sa journey ko kai Yell, Troie, Philip tas B.

Namuntikan na si Jay lol.



Lahat ng sakit galing kai Marvin pati Yell.
Lahat ng sakit galing kai Mama, Papa, Nikki, Marvin pati Yell.




Nakita ko na, ni minsan nde ko sila naproseso
Ni minsan nde sila na-heal
Natakpan lang ng paulit-ulit

LORD, salamat sa time na toh
with You :)




Madami pa ko kakainin lol



Lord, salamat for placing my passions in the right places
salamat sa lahat
salamat sa pagmamahal Lord






Thank You for reviving everything that died in me
& kahit ano man kinalabasan LORD, SOBRANG THANK YOU KAI JAY.

















I am still interested in him Jesus BUT LOL
LETS GET TO BUSINESS FIRST OF COURSE








WAH, andami pa natin gagawin together as a TEAM LORD!
Look at us <3

Jesus



I love You :)
Thank You for everything and for always holding my hand through it all.



I love You Lord
I love You
I love You
I love You :)