Dear Lord,

I don’t know why but the pain feels great, I crave for the pain. It feels like I need it. It soothes me.

God.

I don’t know Lord.

God.

I don’t even know if I wanna say that I want help

I want to keep drowning, I want to keep sinking.

I am embracing all the consumption just like a dying lamb that was getting eaten alive and torn apart by the pack of wolves.

God I have given up and letting them devour me.

I want to say help, but I don’t.

The pain feels nice now.

I want them to consume me and devour every bone.

I don’t know, do I scream and call for help?

Every will in me is dying.

I am surrounded by you, I am surrounded by Your love. Yes I get it.

But God,Ithink I am giving uo.

Iamgetting tired.

Sorry I am not strong enough. 

I am not wise enough.

I don’t stand firm.

I gave up in the race.

I might be giving up the race.

I feel like dying God.

I know that there is more tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be better, I’ll be there.

Its just I don’t know if I wanna push through.

I can swim yah.

I am a good swimmer.

But I am letting myself drown.

Help is on its way and idk I wanna avoid it and I wanna pushi it away. I don’t want it.

I want to die.