Moon

I guess it not that bad
I am getting comfortable
I wanted to stay
I wanted to keep working things out

Am I happy?

I don't know
Nothing is certain

I like the company
I like the idea
I like how things are going

Okay Maiqs, let's figure it out.

He started as a whatever dude lol that I just wanna get to know and who I am 10% interested in LOL
I gave him a chance because I was in a vulnerable time that I wanted to explore and got tired of people trying to run my life. I just wanna do something out there.

--
Well Moon, you are basically an escape for me
Do I want to fall for you?
Do I want to turn this into something more?
--

He is opening up to me now
I can see that he is trying now
Things are changing

Even our intimate time, its different now.

Do I have to be scared?
Should I guard myself?
Should I run?

Do I want to run?
Do I want to just let it.

Do I want to let him in?



We have very similar wounds.
I can tell that we wanted the same things and we are in the same dilemmas.



It's good that we are on the same stage at least no one is more all in lol


Do I want to start to be all in?







Things are changing.
Things are changing for the better.

I am just interested in him
Well, I think I am starting to like him

He's a Hello Kitty with a rough exterior

Ano kaya napagdaanan nya at nagkaganun sya.
Ako, I'm like that kasi madami aka napagdaanan ng paulit uit nawasak.

Sya din kaya?






teka, let's evaluate.
why do I want him, kahit we had too many differences and grabehan kme magaway.




Thing I like about the moon lol
-He is accepting
-He is open
-He is different from my world
-He is forgiving
-He is always willing to work things out
-with him, I am don't have to guess
aaaand the given things
-He is ambitious
-He have goals
-He is smart
-He is a problem solver
-He is simple & direct
-He have his own identity & opinions

Idk, I want to know him more.
He is like a deep well that is covered with a bunch of crap on the surface that sometimes can be seen as shallow and gross. But there is so much more. I kind of want to be one of the people that can get in deep in his well.


ON THE OTHER HAND.

Things I don't like (the cost of being with the moon) lol
-stubborn AF
-cusses like nobody cares lol
-he doesn't give me gifts or do couple things like idk A DATE. We went on a date like once. Well, my idea of dates. Like the bougie ones, where I dress up. I WANNA DRESS UP. LORD PLEASE CAN WE GO ON A DRESS UP DATE. It's like house dinner date, like chill stuff. Well we just started and we are just getting to know each other so I shouldn't complain too much. BUT BRO, once we are an official couple. BROTHA BETTER BE STEPPIN IT UP
(but, like I said things are changing recently and its my choice to stay in spite of that crap. I tried breaking up with him because of those crap but right now he is changing. So, WE WILL SEE)
-when we argue, WE ARGUE. HE DOES NOT BACK TF DOWN. It's like two bombs exploding after exploding then will explode again after the 10th explosion. It's like NUCLEAR WAR
-He doesn't like help
-His pride and ego is TOO MUCH
-Saying sorry is SUCH A HARD TASK
-Jesus is a sensitive topic for us (big one)


Things I am learning from the moon & benefits I am getting
-I am appreciating the simple things, like, I don't have to go all out to impress. I don't have to be extra all the time LOL
-I feel free in a way that nobody is telling me how I should feel or how I should approach things. I can just do what I want to do without feeling manipulated by church people.
-I am in a relationship that doesn't have to end because of all the misunderstandings and differences. I am finally in one where someone is willing to work things out and don't treat me as if I am disposable.
-I am seeing a relationship that idk seemed real and doesn't have to pull the Jesus card to say that they wanna work things out or they respect you. HE JUST DOES because he wants you. He will work things out not because of reasons because its a choice he made.
-BEING REALISTIC lol since I am always in my sunshine and rainbow world. I am seeing the real side of things by talking to him. I feel like its a good balance. I don't have to be in a world of confetti all the time.


well, seems like I just have to decide if this is what I wanted to invest in.

Things are changing and he seemed to be not toxic anymore and was awakened lol and started to care and be open.

So I think we are still in level one, but I think that we are progressing.
Aaaaaand I think I am starting to like him.



idk maybe I am just like this because I might be getting my period soon and sex was amazing last night. physical and emotional connection on point LOL also, I am in a somewhat challenging time and I just really appreciate him not leaving me or seeing me differently just because I am in this stage right now.

I just really really appreciate that my value in his eyes didn't diminish lol just because I lost a job.
It's nice that someone that I admire don't look down on me even things are stripped away from me.