Okay, let's process this...

If we get back together...

What I need to change from him:

-make me as one of his priorities
-be capable of seeing me
-lean how to love and accept me unconditionally
-learn how to manage his life and not take it out on me
-understand that relationships needs equal amount of support and that there will be moments that we have to give way too much to the other person and not get anything back
-understand that people will hurt and fail him in relationships and he needs to endlessly forgive and accept. BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE.
If not, then its just infatuation.
-him to see the realities of a relationship
-he needs to learn how to communicate his needs

What I need to feel in the new relationship:

-accepted
-seen
-treated as a team player and not as a support system
-I want to feel that I am part of his life & not just a person on the side that he goes to

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If I don't get any of those, and I get the Jayro that I left before this break.
I can't continue and move forward with this relationship and I need to accept that he just doesn't love me the same way that I love him.

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What do I need to change for us or the future relationship:

-not let them carry the sins of my past relationships; I need to see the relationship as is and expect it to be good as is.
-allow myself to be vulnerable and be seen
-allow myself to believe that I am loved
-know my worth

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Lord, nde ko alam kung ano dapat ko maramdaman.

Pag naiisip ko siya, parang... nde ko alam...
miss ko siya, pero parang tbh ayaw ko na balikan. 

Okay isa pa,
let's count the cost.

CON's of being with Anjero:

-It's hard for him to take responsibility of his actions. Lahat may dahilan. But I mean he gets there tho eventually... minsan
-Dapat SIYA ang dapat intindihin, MAS iintindihin siya
-When he fight, he fights to hurt and not to understand. He fights to be heard and not to solve. Akala niya ganun ginagawa niya pero nde. The way he fights is not mature
-His priority is himself. Well feeling ko, kasi wala ako sa ni isa sa mga priorities niya. He puts everyone first ako, jan lang
-When life becomes too much he takes it out on me
-He expects too much from me
-His threshold for stress is at 1%
-Party boy life
-It's hard for him to truly forgive me and he chooses himself instead of the relationship
-He wants me to be this perfect girl even if he doesn't want to admit it, he does
-He thinks he is mature but he still have man child tendencies
-He is TOO nit picky with me
-He is pessimistic
-His EQ is weak af
-We are very different, kailangan ng madaming communication at since comfort niya ay importante at communication sa kanya ay "struggle" edi wow. Okay ako dun, siya hirap kasi mahina nga si Kuya.

PRO's of being with Anjero:

-He usually tries to come up with solutions to fix the problem
-Before anything, he was my friend first
-I learn from him; may laman ang mga paguusap namin
-Malalim siya kausap
-He is constantly changing and growing
-He tries to listen and self evaluate
-Araw-araw masaya, pag magkasama kami wala kaming ginawa kundi tumawa
-I can be myself around him, I can be a kid around him
-He makes me feel that I can share anything with him & not judge me for it
(except for the last one I shared)
-Pareho kami ng mundo
-Pareho kami na may mga ambisyon sa buhay
-Same level sa spiritual maturity & sa level ng love & pursuit for God (which is hard to find!)
-We are very different, which helps me see things in different a perspective and be a better person

Things that will be super hard to find again from our relationship:

-our friendship
-level of spiritual maturity, level of love & pursuit for God
-laughter, walang katapusan na tawa, tawang walang pilit
-ung feeling na ako na ako yung sarili ko pag kasama ko siya
-feeling na pareho kami ng mundo na ginagalawan

Things I am willing to compromise (he needs to meet me AT LEAST almost halfway with these):

-His weak af EQ
-His stress threshold of 1%
-Party boy life
-dapat siya ang MAS iintindihin, OKAY FINE. Cost yan ng magmahal ng may mababa na EQ at stress threshold. TANGGAPIN.
-Pessimistic tendencies in super bad situations. TANGGAPIN DIN YAN. Kasama yan ulit sa umbrella ng low EQ at stress threshold.

Things I am NOT willing to compromise:

-Him having a hard time taking responsibility of his actions pag may super bad na consequence
-Me not being a priority
-Him not praying for me or us, and only pray for us in passing...
-Him not being able to accept me for who I am & not knowing how to forgive fast
-Him taking things out on me
-His immature way of fighting
-His inability to see me in difficult situations; not seeing me as a partner but an opponent

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idk Lord, obviously may problema kaya andito tayo ngayon. May problema na kailangan ayusin.
Jayro needs to have some realizations to do & growing up to do. Lol ako din, I mean I know you are changing me and I felt the change and the growth na ngyayari saken & healing. So there is that for me.

Lord syempre I want us to work kasi I found a lot of things in our relationship na matagal ko hinanap na akala ko madali hanapin, pero andito na. Kaya lumalaban parin ako...

There are some things na I don't think is worth compromising, well thats why we are doing this break.

I guess we will just see pag nagkita na kami ulit.

1 month pa lang naman eh.

Sana nde pa kami magkita ng matagal LOL

Miss ko sya sobra pero I feel like its best kung matagal tagal kami nde magusap para bago lahat.

I guess ang tamang approach dito ay ahhahahaha
YES.

TRUST IN YOU.

okay LOL.

I saw you work and move in our relationship & I know that You can and will do it again if its all according to Your plan.

If us marrying each other will give you glory you will honor our desires.

You will do what you think is best.

Mejo, impatient lang ako.

Gusto ko malaman na ano meron sa susunod na chapter ng buhay namin.
Would we make it or no?!?!?

SUSPENSSSS.

I mean I should be focusing on myself, it's just syempre I can't help it.

Ganito na lang.

Sige...

simula ngayon.

I should stop figuring things out, pinapagod ko lang sarili ko.

kaw na bahala Lord.

as usual.

pipigilan ko na sarili ko gumawa ng mga chart na ganito
nakailang chart na ko ng kung ano ano

Sana okay lang sya ngayon & mejo natututo na sya magmanage ng stress niya sa buhay
Sana bahay nila maayos na ngayon na patapos na
Sana okay na siya at masaya