Season of Rebirth and Restoration is now over.

I am now in the
SEASON OF SURRENDER.

Oh man.
Oh maaaaaaan.

The Lord's decrees are FIRM.

They are hard to follow but they are RIGHT.

Man.
Oooooooh man.

I thought B and I can hide... Lol
Honestly speaking...

We are not doing anything wrong, well in our eyes. Yeah yeah just like what the verse that the Lord told us... We don't know that we are wrong till He reveals it to us... His judgment is not like ours.

Well 'cuz u know, we never ever slept with each other, all we did was kiss which only happened once that's why we are now on break.

But I thought UGH okay Lord fine yes we did compromised.

You know we hold hands, we cuddle, we talk a lot lol but THAT'S IT.

But yes I know we promised.
Your will above ours.
Your kingdom before ours.

No other move without your consent
Because any move without you is unstable and most likely will make us fall.

SO FUNNY.

I never thought Brian and I would very get into deep like this to each other.

Man.
This is some serrrrious stuff now.

I started to find comfort in his arms.
I started to find joy having him next to me following Jesus.

He is starting to be something special in my eyes now.

I'm scared.
I am actually falling for him...

So I guess it's good that the Lord is there to protect us and surrounded us with people that knows God and cares for us.

The Lord promised both of us that there is a great reward for both of us after this.

PSALM 19:9-13

His heart and the way he loves UNCONDITIONALLY and SELFLESSLY...

His boldness and leadership.
His confidence in God's word.

A TRUE MAN OF GOD.

But not ever great man is mine.
Not until God says that it is mine.

Just like Mama Niks and Kuya Mark.
:'(((

I am all in, in a way that now to think about it... If I am in Mama Niks' position and I see Brian with someone else and treating her like how he treats me now...

Its going to hurt me.

And I know if I do the same its going to hurt B too...

SO FUNNY.

My phase just got serious lol

Hellla long phase.

Just kidding I am FAR from seeing this as a phase na. I am all in now lol....

It was great while it lasted.

If the Lord brings us together someday, I can hold him, I can be with him and spend as much time as I want with him anyways.

Its just right now, its not time.

We are still babies in His eyes.

Our flesh is still stronger.

And there is a chance that we might put each other above God.

God wants us to appreciate Him more and spend some more time with Him and fall in love with Him more.

Be COMPLETELY satisfied with Him.
As if He is sweeter than honey and more precious than gold.

Just let it Mike.
It will be worth it.

:'(

You missed me too.
You're having a hard time too.

:'(

I miss you B.
I miss you so much...

When we are ready
When the Lord thinks we are ready
We will reap what we will sow

It will be worth it.

He may bless us with each other or maybe someone even better.

Meeting you made me realize that, that is possible and that I really can meet someone with a great heart like what you have.

Someone who will put everyone before himself
Someone who will do everything for people without asking anything in return, no recognition, no appreciation or anything.
You will still pour out your heart even if they don't know, you don't even want them to know or anyone to know.
Someone who actually values integrity and honesty, a lot.
Someone who will follow the Lord and would lead me closer to Him than to himself, even if it means cutting me off.

Cutting me off not because of selfish gain, but for the good of everyone.

Someone who will lay down His life for God.

I am not even just saying these 'cuz I like you.
Like I can say these things because I see it and its so obvious.

Your heart, boldness, leadership, commitment to Jesus, confidence in His word.

I wish you can be mine.
I wish we can be together now.

But I am SO GLAD, that someone actually sees eye to eye with me when it comes to this.

Not like how I have to explain everything to Daryl and spoonfeed him with everything

I am very happy I met you B
I miss you SO MUCH

But I will endure :'(
I will stay strong for the Lord

As a servant.

As a warrior for Him.

I am not here to please myself but Him who created me.

It will be worth it and we will reap the fruit of our obedience.

Better this than be in disobedience and feel His wrath and delay all His blessings and will in our lives.

Someday B
Everything will be okay.

The Lord is just protecting us.

Goodnight B.

STAR CROSSED LOVERS LOLOL

Katniss and Peeta analogy again LOL

I miss Brian.
I wanna talk to Brian.
I wanna spend some time with Brian.

Why am I having such a hard time.
Why am I like this.

Do I care?
I shouldn't care.
Fuu I care.

Why do I care.

I miss hugging B...
I miss B.
I miss B a lot.

Dang it, I am all in.

I MISS YOU BRIAN
AND THIS SUCKS SO MUCH

#porjc

It took 13 years for Kuya Lex to get the greenlight

And if Kuya Lex survived.

We will survive.

The pain of obedience....

It just gets harder by the minute.

It was already hard for me not to text him, to ignore him in the crowd............

Then the Lord will ask us to completely cut ties.

Took our ministries out for a month and took each other away from each other.

THIS IS INSANE.

I thought I can handle singleness and waiting and praying for my spouse.

Man, this is a whole new different level.

I miss Brian.

A LOT

And this sucks.

He is not even allowed to go to my birthday... :'(

My birthday Lord...........................

Freakin' KP and mommy Niks going hella hard on both of us.

I understand.

I'll submit.
I'll obey.

I'm just venting.

It sucks.

I miss him.

A LOT.

Bye bye Worship Team

UGH.

Okay God! I know... Warning...
Things could get worse!

My birthday....

I was about to sing...
This entire month of November.

I was there already...

But its okay lol. 

I understand.....

We gave in...

We were doing so great then BOOM.

But things could get worse, good thing it just affected ONE of our ministries and not all and our sheep.

I didn't want to stop.

But we have to stop....

I miss Brian...

I don't wanna move on...
I don't want to forget...

Darn it I guess I am all in now too

I don't want to run away...

But... I will.

Anything for Jesus.
:'(

#imissub

Week 1 has passed

Sunday. I saw him yesterday.
He talked to me yesterday, but not very long.

His smile :)
I saw his smile yesterday :)

I missed him.

Today I read through my old journals since I came back.

I saw how the Lord broke me and how He delivered me

I saw that prayer I did too for GB.

And the next day I saw what Brian gave me the first time he prayed for me.

Prayed for me not like GB status.
More of like, prayed in a way of brother sister lol

'cuz that was the time I was really struggling if I should talk to Yell and tell him that I forgive him.

& I remember Brian gave me verses from 3 books.
3 from Titus, one from Exodus and 3 from Psalms.

& during that time I wasn't even spending time with him yet

And my prayer said that I hope that GB loves food trips and loves fitness.
I pray that he loves QT with intense hikes and beaches and nice views.
QT's with good food too

Dates with Jesus, dates where we can have QT. I pray that I can write songs and sing songs with him and fall in love with Jesus together.

I also said how scared I am and how I don't wanna see him in my life probably, but I just wanna let him know that I am praying for him.

Then B came.

I AM NOT SAYING B IS GB YET
I AM JUST POUURING MY FEELINGSS

then after my prayer he sent me the verses then after that he asked me to QT with him. I know later he invited others too LOL but you know of course that is when I started to be kilig.

Then I saw he loves to hike and to eat and views and Jesus.

And I saw his heart for the Lord then I was like I wanna be close to that fire.

Then when he speaks I feel closer to God and makes me wanna run faster towards my God.

ANYWAYS

but nobody was ready & this is nothing we should be focusing on. Should not be in our heads REBUUUKE LOL

I am just saying that I saw that and I got kilig. Lol....

That was the first church activity we have since we confessed to the leaders and decided to cut each other out for Jesus.

Mgbbday na ko.

Its okay.

I understand.

Our yellow light turned red.
Darn it LOL

Itsssssss okaaaaaay

For Jesus and His people :)

Katniss and Peeta

I was watching hunger games and allllll I think about is us.

-_____________-

Get out of my heeaaaaaaaaad.

Katniss and Peeta reminds me of us LOL...

Like how they're fire and water.
Sun and Moon lol

And how Katniss is slightly taller than Peeta LOL

Well, B is slightly taller than me but I feel that I am taller sometimes lol

And how in the end Katniss was like "Let's just forget about everything" and Peeta was like "I don't want to forget"

LOLOLOLOL

It reminded me of that time when I was like "Just get rid of me B" and he's like "I don't want to"

LOL

GET OUT OF MY HEAAAADJDJDJSJ

And how Peeta was so calm and Katniss was like very aggressive lol...

& Katniss liked Gale which is her total twin
And it reminds me of what I think of Daryl LOL

How Daryl and I were SOOOOOO similar

And I remember in the books Katniss said that fire can't be with fire

She needs someone who can balance her out.

Peeta was nothing like her, so she is staying with Peeta.

BUT I AM NOT SAYING I WANT TO DO ANYTHING AND U KNO BE THIRSTY AND ISH

I am just saying it reminds me of my current love life LOL

STILL GOING TO GET RID OF EVERY MEMORY BRIAN AND I HAVE A RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM AS MUCH AS I CAN.

DAY 1

I thought I will be okay

Last night I was okay
Last night I was like, I think I can get over this easily.

Should be fine.

Anything for the Lord diba.

Pero, ewan ko ba.

Namimiss ko :/
Gusto ko xa kausapin

Pero, mali.

Tama na.

Sumagad na kami.

Yun na ang una at huli.
Dapat ng tapusin.

We got too confident...

One little unguarded conversation.
One little unguarded hang out.

Just took one.

I really pray that all soul ties that was created that night will be broken.
Every memory we created will be broken.

I am sorry God.

I am so sorry.