I still do.

It's few more days till the exact day and time since the very last time I enjoyed your presence.....
and I still do.

This is why you should never leave without saying anything...

You have no idea how can that trap a person in the past.
I know I should move on, but what if someone you truly cared for, do that to you.

I think you know how it affects me, it's just you don't care because it didn't do any harm to you.

I try my best everyday, the Lord knows. The Lord knows DEEPLY.

And He knows how HARD I TRY.

Every single day. Every single second.

I don't know I don't know.

But I'm scared. VERY SCARED.

I am not ready yet. and I am scared.

I can't wait to see you again, I want to see you. I want to talk to you again but I'm scared.
I'm scared and excited to see you. Perfect match hah?

Excitement and fear how beautiful!

It's been awhile since the last time I saw you... and I think maybe I am just in love with the Daryl in my mind. The Daryl that was mine...

I miss you Yell.

Everyday I miss all of you...
You especially, everyday.

I miss you Yell...
I miss my baby siopaopao... a lot.

1 year, 2 years, 3 years...

If it's meant to be it's meant to be.

I will not wait.
Time will come.
If he's the one that God thinks that is best for me, we WILL happen.

I will never stop praying, but I will try my best not to hold on to him SO MUCH that I can't go on.
I have to move on and give it up.

He might find a new one...
I might fine a new one too...

but whatever happens, if we are meant to be we are meant to be.

I strongly believe that God planned everything for me already and I trust Him completely.

Being able to trust God COMPLETELY is believing in destiny.

I strongly believe to the destiny that God has for me and I know it's beautiful.

Time will come.

This time last year I spent this amazing christmas with you.

Now I am celebrating it with my beloved Master<3

At first, I honestly regret greeting you Merry Christmas because the way you respond is the kind of response that I don't want to see.

I thought you were in the Philippines!!! HAHA that's why I sent it... :\ damn it lol
The way you responded irritates me!!

How could you say it like that with a smiley and and not saying sorry for what happened before!!!!!!!!
I SO WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN YOUR FREAKIN FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like, the mess that you did, didn't really matter to you AT ALL.
And knowing that you destroyed and DEEPLY HURT someone don't matter AT ALL.

It's like, "Oh, I'm ok so I don't care if I damaged anyone as long as I'm doing good I don't give a crap and it's been forever so I guess nothing matters anymore."

I felt so pathetic greeting you...

I know it's been forever but still....
It's like, oh it's over... finally... let's just forget about it like nothing happened.

I moved on and all and this is nothing about those "wanting you back" dramas. I'm so over that since the days of the dinosaurs LOL!!

It's just, as a person...
Do I really deserve that?
You're the very last person in the universe that I would ever thought that would do that to me.
I'm like worse that crap!
or any unwanted organism that is every created!
I know I'm not that talented, smart or good enough for your wonderful world wahwahwahwahwahhhh
and thank you for rubbing that to my beautiful face.

I don't even know why I did it...
I thought you were in the Philippines that it wont be sent to you >:(

Oh well...
but it made me feel better :)
way better.

At least you are now aware that I am alive lol

I kinda don't wanna do it 'cuz I feel like I'm degrading my entire being by doing it.
I feel like I'm the one that's going to get laughed at...

Its like I'm all "oooohhh I miss all of you guys to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then you guys would be like... "oh, ok" :\

But I really do miss you guys to death. I know you guys don't.
But I really do, more than anyone could ever imagine.

Oh well,
God wouldn't want me feeling this way and thinking and saying these things to myself and to someone...

and, I've thought about it... and
I'm kinda happy that you received it :)

I really do want to greet you happy christmas :)

I found some little peace.

I'm sorry for all these thoughts Yell
I know it's just this one text oh goodness and I am over reacting TO THE MAX!! LOL!!!

but yea, I think that burden that I've been carrying for awhile now from you got lighter :)

I'm still praying that someday we could be friends again...
and I am happy to be the wala lang person :) at least I exist now and not a very unwanted organism :)

Merry Christmas Yell! lol :)

Soo....

I'm thinking that no, it's a bad thought HAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAH!!!!!

hmm...

no, i will not continue this post!

FREAKIN SATAN!! I WILL FIGHT YOU! Jerk.

Dear Future Husband,

I am currently putting the strongest guard that I can find and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I am currently putting my walls higher and thicker each day.... and I don't know if that is right...

I am not sure if I've met you yet with all these walls that I surround myself.
I'm sorry.

I hope you're doing great and I hope you're very close with God.

'cuz future husband... I am not ready to meet you yet... and my God and I... is not doing pretty good right now... 'cuz.... I'm lazy...

and you don't want a lazy wife don't you?!

I know God is working on each of us right now so when we meet we're both ready :)

So, I will wait patiently for you and try my best to be the best wife that you will ever have<3

I had a great 2009 with you :)

Thank you for being my Valentine

Thank you for spending a WONDERFUL Christmas with me

and thank you so much for sharing that Christmas kiss and my first kiss on the very first second of 2010:)

I will never forget them all.

Instead of being sad that I don't have you this year, I am surprisingly happy because we happened <3

Instead of the negatives, I am really happy Yell :)

You were my first Valentine and the very first man that I really spent the holidays with<3

The thought of you still makes me happy:)

VERY HAPPY.

Today, which is exactly one year since those moments...

Everything still feels like it was just yesterday.

I know A LOT of things changed and you won't even remember these things and bother wondering these things.

But I am very happy to think that I had the best time with you :)

2010 was very painful year for me :P

this was my year with my God<3

but, this is the year when God totally mold me and tearing you our of my life...

I missed you a lot this year Yell... I really do... 

I wonder what would 2011 would bring.

My goals for 2011 is to be really legit with God.

SUCCESS!!! CAR!! SINGING, DRAWING AND SCHOOL!!! :)

2011 will be the year where I will rise up again and show the world how God molded me on 2010 :)

I will be successful and build my foundations with God, career and dreams :)

I will be successful and disappointment will never get in the way!!

2011 is the make it happen year!! :D<3

Would you ever say hi again?

'cuz I'm still waiting for that day...
and hoping that one day you will at least say hi to me again....

I'm ok now... :)

but I'm still having my moments...

I don't think I like you anymore, I'm ok now :)

It's just... I can't find peace because you became a burden in my heart...
I always ask myself why and wonder why did it happen...

I miss you a lot, don't you know that?
I hope you sometimes wonder how am I doing because I always wonder how you are doing all the time...

I don't know how everything will happen and I always tell myself that you have all the opportunity of the world and you will talk to me if you want to....

I guess I am that hated........
I wish you could have just told me why so I wont be too stuck in the past by constantly wondering why...

It's ok if you don't want to be friends, can't you just at least say hi so I can have a peace of mind...
'cuz I'm so bothered about it.... ;\

It's ok if you don't tell me the reason I don't care anymore...
it's just... can we even start talking again??

'cuz I feel totally hated and looked down on...

Since he found out about my old blog, I will start posting my secrets in here.

I don't feel safe putting my thoughts on multiply no more.
I just do these things just for therapeutic reasons.
I still want some of these to be read someday but some part of me don't...

It's just I don't feel the same way with my other blog anymore...
I feel like, when I say something in there... there is an 80% chance that he would see it and think that I am pathetic...

I'm still not over him...
and it's been 4 months since he cut me off his life...
I am getting there...
I am 98% there...

It's just I don't want him to know that I still have these moments...
I think he is perfectly fine now...
He is perfectly fine... and I am still broken...
and I don't want him to see that I am still sprung in him...