Andaming ngyayari :)

The more we obey, the more WE flourish.
The more WE reap blessings.

SO MUCH WORK

WAY TOO MUCH

I remember I went through something like this with Daryl before, but I remember during that season we were going downhill and there was no peace.

The Lord is working LIKE CRAAAAAAZY rn.
Way more than when I was with Yell.

& before I felt overwhelmed.

But now I feel joyful and blessed.

Lemme pray for B real quick lol
'cuz even if we are working and flourishing.
I kinda wanna know....
If B, is GB.... straight up from His mouth.

'cuz I am learning a lot from him
I am super encouraged whenever I see him
I feel Him close when we talk
I feel that we are walking the same
BUT what if its just because we are BOTH workers!!! & all the workers are... Nahhh actually nahhh... Its just B and I LOL who have been getting the same LOL

BUT you know

I don't wanna pursue it
You know I don't want to God
There is SO MUCH work that needs to be done.
WAY TOO MUUUUUCHHHHHHSNSSNJSJSHSHSHSHSHHSHSHSHSHHHHSHSHAKAOHEBSJSB

I just wanna ask. :)

:)

Masaya ako sa lahat :)

Feel na feel ko that I am in the center of His will :"))

& obedience is going great with B and I.

Our ministries our flourishing :)))
Spiritual growth for both of us is on point.
Life is going great :)))))

Thank You God :"))))

Of all things to click on, I have to find THIS specific blog of yours.

2 years ago. This is what you said.

CHEATER.

----------------

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The stupid things I say when I try to impress

"So, just like a girl, I dwell on things even the most littlest thing i say.

I was talking to mike today, and I brought up this thing about since shes gone for a week, I have a hallpass that all my friends have been saying to me.

I told her about my friends talking about cheating, and i'm so stupid because I never even thought about doing that to her or to any girl i've been with. I just try to make BS up to make myself sound sweet to her, when it just truly comes out wrong .... :(

I hope she understands I'm a faithful guy. And I would never ever do such a thing as that to her. I love her way to much to do something like that. And my heart is not like that , because no one deserves to be cheated on.

So I just want to let her know, that I'm stupid. I made crap up to make myself sound sweet, even though it turned out wrong. And i'm sorry. I hope this doesnt make u think of me in a different way.

I love you way to much to do that. And i think i'm just trying too hard  to impress  mike, because I care. And when I do, I say stupid stuff thats not even true =( i'm so dumb. lol

SORRY :(

I love you and I would never do anything like that to you. EVER!"

-----------------------

I still can't believe you cheated on me TWICE.

You made a fool out of me TWICE.

7 months since Katrina & Jennifer

5 months since I came back to church.

I am still trying to cope with things.

I am better for sure because Jesus was there and healed me.

Well, healing me.

I think I am healed.

It's been 7 months.

Only been 7 months and the Lord have done SO MUCH in me.

SO MUCH.

To think all about it.

The floodgates really did opened as He promised.

My heart?

after 7 months.

Very different...

But I am free and at peace.

SO MUCH PEACE.

& I truly feel that I am in the center of God's plan.

I am still very bitter.

But each day I am progressing.

I am scared.

of everything.

But I guess that's good 'cuz that gives me an extra guard.

I like Brian.

I like someone new now, but that is not the focus of my life right now.

I do like him a lot but I am scared.

Which is cool 'cuz the Lord say stay away anyways.

We can't mess up everything we worked hard for.

All the breaking that I got from that man whore Daryl Ogalino.

Will all be wasted if I give in.

& I am not sure with B yet.

He is really nice and have this AMAZING personality and BIG BIG BIG heart for the Lord.

But He is not from the Lord.

What we have rn is just pure temptation.

Although we are not doing anything bad like how Yell and I were.

Although it's all still very innocent and cute and ish rn

Since our foundation are emotions.

I cannot stand on that.

THE LORD DIDN'T GIVE THE GREENLIGHT LOL

BASICALLY.

& anything without the Lord's greenlight will always fail

Like how Daryl failed.

B looks promising rn, but all men are still pigs deep inside.

Not until the Lord said okay.

I moved on from Yell

but the damage is still here....

& what he did really is affecting EVERYTHING I am.

Affecting my relationships

the way I view myself 

& the way I view my future spouse....

The Lord is still healing me.

He will wipe away every fear, I know it.

Every bitterness and anger will be replaced by forgiveness.

I'll continue to fix my eyes on Him

& my heart will continue to pursue His will.

I still hope that Yell is happy and at peace too.

I still hope that his life is aligned with His will too.......

After everything, deep inside I know.

I want Yell to be intimate with the Lord.

That is all I want.

Intimate and reach His full potential as a true SERVANT of God...

I can't get my journal just yet so imma do it here lol

I'll put the beginning of my prayer here.

Maybe QT now here too. Maybe idk lol

I got 2 confirmations now of how You feel God. Same exact verses and instructions from 2 different separate people.

Then KP after soaking.

Then this lol
What happened after.

You're mad ha.
:/

Sorry God for being so stubborn and halving my obedience.

Yes I am avoiding him but my heart is definitely is still consumed by him.....

Yeah okay. I admit B is here now...
I'm sorry for not wanting to take away anything I feel for him.

Sorry for my partial obedience.

Thank You for the instructions and warnings.

Nde ko inakala na I have a flock too.
I didn't realize that you already appointed me to lead and to shepherd.

I know you are using me everywhere.
I know that.

Multimedia Ministry
Doing advertising for church
Doing videos for church
Graphics, etc.
Worship Team
I'm already singing at church
Singing for Spanish Bible Study
Women's Fellowship

People know I am a servant, which I am but I didn't know that I am a leader already. I just came back.

Sorry God for not seeing that I have a flock and you already entrusted lives in my hands :/

For Brian...

Brian is distracted now... I can feel it.
I am too....

The thing with B, he doesn't know how easy it is or what its like for your flock to scatter.

I was there when it happened.
I know what its like.
I experienced it first hand.

& I don't want that to happen again.

We are both Shepherds now....
BOTH.

There are lives in his hands and MY HANDS TOO.

If we continue, the flock will slowly scatter and die.

His was Spanish BS and I feel...
Eric, Pacheco, lol the Salvis.

Mine...
Alexa, Ej, Karana, Kimmy Ang, the girls of YA

Ate Rox, Cho & Ate Niks, I have a HUGE FLOCK.

& even if I did fell away.
I am still a veteran.
People look up to me.
Whether I like it or not.

I set an example to the people in YA, especially to the new ones.

So I really need to wipe it clean with B

This should be none of my worries anymore.
The Lord doesn't want it.

There is an urgent need and I am one of the main chosen ones.

Right now

I need to decide what to do and tell myself and my heart what I am dedicated and decided to do.

Tonight is the night I guess.
This NEEDS TO BE the end of Brian and MaiQui.

The Lord said that Brian and I will happen, and when that day comes he will not be happy because it is the result of feeding our own flesh when we should feed our spirit with Him.

He is a great guy.
VERY GODLY.
VERY CARING.
MAN OF INTEGRITY.
GREAT PERSONALITY.
ON POINT ON HUMILITY.
COMMITTED.

Great man.
GREAT MAN OF GOD.

I think my love for God is greater than my desire to hold his hand and kiss him and be around his arms now.......

The Lord have a higher need of what I can do in this season. Brian is not the reason for this season. It's the revival and getting back what the enemy has stolen.

So...
I'll end it tonight then....

And if we talk and we get the chance.

I will tell him that I don't like him anymore.
I will tell him I moved on.
I will tell him I finally realized that he really did just filled the void that Daryl left.

:'/

'cuz if I say that I am fighting it.
Feelings will still be involved and will be there..........

Maybe, :'(( ugh God...
Maybe if I hurt Brian it will be better.

I am ending it.

Lord please give me strength.
Please I pray I won't like him anymore.

There is a higher need.

The Lord needs me.

Anything and everything for the Lord.

ALL IN

Hella ALL IN

The way he looks at me
The way he takes care of me

& nung sabi nia na he knows that I am still healing and very broken...

That's why he is giving me time to heal & gets mad when I entertain other guys.

Part of him of course is jealous lol
But he said that these men, what if they don't love God enough that they would decide to just make moves out of their own flesh. I am very vulnerable still, and guys know that & they most likely will take advantage of that.

& knowing Brian's BC days.

I really thought I was one of his girls that he lures too....

& pastors are really good with words and I really see that! LOL like he delivers things in the most attractive way. Choice of words always on point!

But you know... He's right if I am, we've been talking for this long already. He should have made a move to sleep with me, looooooong ago LOL

He said the desire is still there of course, but His love for the Lord is greater now.

& he said that there are more things that he likes about me than his physical attraction towards me.

(PSHHHHHH LOLOLOLOL)

He gave up so much for Jesus.
The party life
The girls
The sports car
The nice independent life

Adjjssjsjsjks
NO IM NOT ALL IN NO NO NO NO
JJSJDJNSJSJD

I'm just saying.
He is so encouraging.

& that he really understand the struggles of obedience.

& that it is important to submit to authority.

He knows that we are both not ready.
And understands that its hard not to give in and just not be patient and risk all of our ministries.

But he is helping :)
So we can obey.

Yesterday after Spanish BS
I saw a different Brian.

Brian is all in.
I am not.

& he knows it.

He said if we continue to obey the Lord will reward us FOR SURE.

We must stand firm.
For Jesus
For our Ministries

& he said.
Master first
Then Ministry.

Then Mate.

We are in the ministry level
Don't mess it up MaiQuiQui!!!!!!!!

A man who brings you soup, gives you tea, meds and covers you in prayer.

Ugh.

KUYA.
KUYA BRIAN.

:)

Prays for me
Takes care of me when I am sick
Encourages me with God's wisdom
Pushes me to be closer to God
Pushes me to find more confidence in Him
Buys me food
Encourages me to obey

Too good, but I am still running away.
Thank you tho :)

Thank you :)

SPRING TIME :)

Worship Team
Multimedia Ministry
Spanish Bible Study
Nursery

New gifts:
Visions
Tongues

My responsibilities are growing.
:))))))
Thank You God!

Brian God.
Whatever, just as we both promise You
We will just focus on You

I'll continue running towards You
I'm happy that He understands too and have fear for You too.

Please continue to guard our hearts God
'cuz we both know something is brewing and I am not ready yet.

Ikaw na bahala
I am just VERY VERY happy that I am serving You :')

I love You God

Spanish Bible Study

Thank You God for using me in this ministry! :)))))))) kahit super minimal lang alam ko.

Mauulit ba?

I don't want to put my hopes up and let my imagination take over LOL

The Lord just used me because I am willing.

Its not that Brian and I will be in the same ministry now lol and he'll be the leader and I'll be the worship leader. I don't even speak español LOL

Its the willingness.

It could be a one time thing.
I'm leading for them next week again.
Idk, it would be cool tho. I really wanna learn and be used here too.

Just kidding, of course part of me is kinda kilig LOL

REBUKE!!!!!!!! LOL

I'm just thankful that I am used :)
Sana maulit ulit.

I knew there's a reason why I am learning español now LOL

For multimedia and Spanish Ministry!

:)

#forjesus

God, why are you making me remember.

Okay FINE.
I HEAR YOU OKAY.

I CAN HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR.

Why are you making me remember.

God, I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER.
YES I AM LYING TO MYSELF EVERYDAY

YES I AM SUPPRESSING IT ALL
YES I AM FAKING IT ALL
YES I AM SEEKING BRIAN TO MASK THE PAIN AND FILL THE VOID

Why God.
Why are you making me remember
Why am I missing him
Why God

What do you want me to do

I miss him God.
I miss him a lot.
I thought I just miss Tux

Then God....
You made me think of him
You reminded me of the things I've been trying to forget

Why God

The pain...

Its still here...

All here.........

NO GOD NO
I DONT LOVE HIM
I NEVER DID
NEVER WILL
NEVER AGAIN

I NEVER LOVED DARYL OKAY
NO GOD NO

I DON'T MISS HIM
NO

Ba't ganun.
Andito parin xa God
Nasa puso ko parin xa God
Bakit ganun
Bakit mahal na mahal ko parin xa God
Bakit ganun

Bakit hinahanap ko parin xa