Of all things to click on, I have to find THIS specific blog of yours.

2 years ago. This is what you said.

CHEATER.

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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The stupid things I say when I try to impress

"So, just like a girl, I dwell on things even the most littlest thing i say.

I was talking to mike today, and I brought up this thing about since shes gone for a week, I have a hallpass that all my friends have been saying to me.

I told her about my friends talking about cheating, and i'm so stupid because I never even thought about doing that to her or to any girl i've been with. I just try to make BS up to make myself sound sweet to her, when it just truly comes out wrong .... :(

I hope she understands I'm a faithful guy. And I would never ever do such a thing as that to her. I love her way to much to do something like that. And my heart is not like that , because no one deserves to be cheated on.

So I just want to let her know, that I'm stupid. I made crap up to make myself sound sweet, even though it turned out wrong. And i'm sorry. I hope this doesnt make u think of me in a different way.

I love you way to much to do that. And i think i'm just trying too hard  to impress  mike, because I care. And when I do, I say stupid stuff thats not even true =( i'm so dumb. lol

SORRY :(

I love you and I would never do anything like that to you. EVER!"

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I still can't believe you cheated on me TWICE.

You made a fool out of me TWICE.

7 months since Katrina & Jennifer

5 months since I came back to church.

I am still trying to cope with things.

I am better for sure because Jesus was there and healed me.

Well, healing me.

I think I am healed.

It's been 7 months.

Only been 7 months and the Lord have done SO MUCH in me.

SO MUCH.

To think all about it.

The floodgates really did opened as He promised.

My heart?

after 7 months.

Very different...

But I am free and at peace.

SO MUCH PEACE.

& I truly feel that I am in the center of God's plan.

I am still very bitter.

But each day I am progressing.

I am scared.

of everything.

But I guess that's good 'cuz that gives me an extra guard.

I like Brian.

I like someone new now, but that is not the focus of my life right now.

I do like him a lot but I am scared.

Which is cool 'cuz the Lord say stay away anyways.

We can't mess up everything we worked hard for.

All the breaking that I got from that man whore Daryl Ogalino.

Will all be wasted if I give in.

& I am not sure with B yet.

He is really nice and have this AMAZING personality and BIG BIG BIG heart for the Lord.

But He is not from the Lord.

What we have rn is just pure temptation.

Although we are not doing anything bad like how Yell and I were.

Although it's all still very innocent and cute and ish rn

Since our foundation are emotions.

I cannot stand on that.

THE LORD DIDN'T GIVE THE GREENLIGHT LOL

BASICALLY.

& anything without the Lord's greenlight will always fail

Like how Daryl failed.

B looks promising rn, but all men are still pigs deep inside.

Not until the Lord said okay.

I moved on from Yell

but the damage is still here....

& what he did really is affecting EVERYTHING I am.

Affecting my relationships

the way I view myself 

& the way I view my future spouse....

The Lord is still healing me.

He will wipe away every fear, I know it.

Every bitterness and anger will be replaced by forgiveness.

I'll continue to fix my eyes on Him

& my heart will continue to pursue His will.

I still hope that Yell is happy and at peace too.

I still hope that his life is aligned with His will too.......

After everything, deep inside I know.

I want Yell to be intimate with the Lord.

That is all I want.

Intimate and reach His full potential as a true SERVANT of God...