I'll put the beginning of my prayer here.
Maybe QT now here too. Maybe idk lol
I got 2 confirmations now of how You feel God. Same exact verses and instructions from 2 different separate people.
Then KP after soaking.
Then this lol
What happened after.
You're mad ha.
:/
Sorry God for being so stubborn and halving my obedience.
Yes I am avoiding him but my heart is definitely is still consumed by him.....
Yeah okay. I admit B is here now...
I'm sorry for not wanting to take away anything I feel for him.
Sorry for my partial obedience.
Thank You for the instructions and warnings.
Nde ko inakala na I have a flock too.
I didn't realize that you already appointed me to lead and to shepherd.
I know you are using me everywhere.
I know that.
Multimedia Ministry
Doing advertising for church
Doing videos for church
Graphics, etc.
Worship Team
I'm already singing at church
Singing for Spanish Bible Study
Women's Fellowship
People know I am a servant, which I am but I didn't know that I am a leader already. I just came back.
Sorry God for not seeing that I have a flock and you already entrusted lives in my hands :/
For Brian...
Brian is distracted now... I can feel it.
I am too....
The thing with B, he doesn't know how easy it is or what its like for your flock to scatter.
I was there when it happened.
I know what its like.
I experienced it first hand.
& I don't want that to happen again.
We are both Shepherds now....
BOTH.
There are lives in his hands and MY HANDS TOO.
If we continue, the flock will slowly scatter and die.
His was Spanish BS and I feel...
Eric, Pacheco, lol the Salvis.
Mine...
Alexa, Ej, Karana, Kimmy Ang, the girls of YA
Ate Rox, Cho & Ate Niks, I have a HUGE FLOCK.
& even if I did fell away.
I am still a veteran.
People look up to me.
Whether I like it or not.
I set an example to the people in YA, especially to the new ones.
So I really need to wipe it clean with B
This should be none of my worries anymore.
The Lord doesn't want it.
There is an urgent need and I am one of the main chosen ones.
Right now
I need to decide what to do and tell myself and my heart what I am dedicated and decided to do.
Tonight is the night I guess.
This NEEDS TO BE the end of Brian and MaiQui.
The Lord said that Brian and I will happen, and when that day comes he will not be happy because it is the result of feeding our own flesh when we should feed our spirit with Him.
He is a great guy.
VERY GODLY.
VERY CARING.
MAN OF INTEGRITY.
GREAT PERSONALITY.
ON POINT ON HUMILITY.
COMMITTED.
Great man.
GREAT MAN OF GOD.
I think my love for God is greater than my desire to hold his hand and kiss him and be around his arms now.......
The Lord have a higher need of what I can do in this season. Brian is not the reason for this season. It's the revival and getting back what the enemy has stolen.
So...
I'll end it tonight then....
And if we talk and we get the chance.
I will tell him that I don't like him anymore.
I will tell him I moved on.
I will tell him I finally realized that he really did just filled the void that Daryl left.
:'/
'cuz if I say that I am fighting it.
Feelings will still be involved and will be there..........
Maybe, :'(( ugh God...
Maybe if I hurt Brian it will be better.
I am ending it.
Lord please give me strength.
Please I pray I won't like him anymore.
There is a higher need.
The Lord needs me.
Anything and everything for the Lord.
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