Part of me wants to run away, part of me wants to stay.

But, I think it's just my flesh talking when I say I wanted to stay.

I love talking to him
I love spending time with him.

And feeling this way scares me.

He is not pursuing me
I ain't pursuing him either

It all just happens.

But, it's not the right time.
And I don't really want this....

But if I just let my flesh and my emotions lead me.

I can say that I really do want to be able to kiss him lol and hold him....

Before I didn't want to, now I look at him and I have the desire to.

But I am rebuking it as much as I can.

I'll just keep ignoring it.
Until it fades.

God, can you please make it fade now...
Since this is not the right time.

I don't want to see him that way
I don't want to desire him

I need to help him to guard his heart too.
I know B is getting attached now too.

I really really want to spend more time with him.

I really really want to eat out with him.
Work out with him
Do QT with him
Ride in the car with him

Just him.

I am falling again....
I need to run away
I want to run away

But part if me wants to keep it going

You know what.
I'll be distant starting right now.
I'll let him talk and be there but I will be as undesirable as possible.

I'll make him leave me just like what I did with Yell.

I'm running away.