Blessings since Yell trashed me.

1. Daddy and I's relationship restored!
2. Media Ministry restored!
3. Job Interviews be flowin' like a boss
4. My relationship with the Lord is on FIRE!
5. aaaand more to come.

What I lost when I was with Yell.

1. My relationship with the Lord.
2. My Ministires

And... my relationship with the Lord is the most important.

Daryl just keeps breaking my heart.
Play with my feelings, and take advantage of me.



Endless reasons for me not to get back with him anymore.
I'm pretty sure I want to forget about him.

Good luck na lang sa relationship nila ni bakokang.
Makakarma ka din.

Beginning of week 2.

Babalikan ko pa ba?
Starting today.

I've made up my mind.
I will never ever ever ever ever want him back in my life ever again.

My heart is set that I don't want to be with someone like him.
I don't want to be with him.
I don't want to settle for less.
I don't want to give my heart away to him again.

100% sure
I am gone.

I will have my moments, but my heart is set, my mind is set.
I. am. gone.






Thank you for the care.
Thank you for the love.

Go make some babies with your woman.
I am gone.

Kalimutan mo na un MaiQui, wala naman kwenta un eh lol

Sinabi na niya, feeling nia maxado na nia ko nasaktan na baka ayaw ko na xa balikan.
Totoo yan.

Narealize mo na mali ka, ano na gusto mo AWARD?

Mangloloko ka eh, sorry ka na lang.
Magdusa ka, wala na ako.






Uo mggrow ako, pero asa ka na babalikan kita.
Jan ka na sa Jennifer mong PANIS.

End of week 1.

Today, I hung out with Troie again.

Today, I got my ministries back.
Back on my servanthood.
Church was VERY VERY WELCOMING.
Today made me feel that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.




I tried to hang out with Troie...
To see how it feels to be like Yell... with Jennifer...
idk... I'm trying to see if I can do what he did....



Troie's cool...
We get along...

He's smart but lazy -_______--
Always need my help, ugh.

I love how much he loves his broski
He loves his broski like how I love mine
Both are broski's are half but we love them as if they're REAL broski's.




I REALLY REALLY forced myself today...
Yah, lots of laughs...
But it's not Yell.......

Nothing compares...

Okay I get it, no other man can be like God.
I know what I need and need to pursue.

I know what I need to work on, I don't even know why I am using this dude lol

I know I need God... and idk maybe Troie is helping me... I guess...
Playing with fire to the max.


I need to get rid of Daryl
I need to get rid of Troie

I need to just focus on Jesus.



Daddy HATE HATE HATE HATE Troie too LOL
Nobody likes this guy hahahah

Before I see Troie daddy was like
"I don't even know why you even talk to this guy, after today no more" LOL

I even invited him to eat with us then daddy was just like. "NOPE" hahahahahahahaha




Well, based on all that I was just actually trying to see how Yell feels...

I tried to get all lambing on Troie...
We laid on the couch together.
Got super close in the dinning room.
(Ugh, I sound like a slut)

I even hawak his arm while walking.


Trying to be like Yell.....




I had intense feelings for Troie before too... but I already realized that I wanted Yell more...
I'm just scared that Yell won't realize what I realize....................





I really really forced myself to actually, AT LEAST, think that there is someone out there that can be more than what Yell and I had...............





I know, I know, focus on the Lord, focus on what He is calling you to do. lalalalalalala




Yell said, I just have to force myself... to move on.
That what I am trying to do.




I am doing my best not to look back.
Greater things are ahead of me.

And we will be nothing than what we used to be.








Troie is dating around too, but he said he is still not over with Tina.
He have this girl that he really likes right now, but still nothing compares to Tina.



I hope same goes to Yell..... when he sees other girls...
It's been a year for Troie and Troie still wants to be with Tina.






I'll just continue growing.
I'll run the race for the Lord.












I hope you did your QT today Yell.
I hope you find Christian friends soon.
I hope you miss me too.... :/








I am healing now :)
Everyone is saying I got SUPER BAD SKINNY.
But I am getting better now.
I just cried once today, but I am better :)


I am not hearing anything about you which is good.
My heart is whole.

















I hope you keep on pursuing the Lord.
Someday, I'll be back and we can be bestfriends again.

"Wala na yun, kalimutan mo na yun"

"Kung babalikan ka, wag mo na tanggapin ulit. Iiwan ka ulit nun."
"You deserve better"
"You are being called by the Lord, that's why this is happening"
"He is just making excuses, but he is gone."

"Charm is deceptive, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.- manghihinayang siya for sure, pero wag mo na balikan. He is dealing with worldly women, and you deserve a man who will take care of you and love you like God can, not a man like him who just likes to trample around your heart like that to explore lesser things in life."









They all make sense.
It hurts to know, but they all make sense.







Gusto ko parin xa bumalik...
Pero... I feel like I might have to give up Jesus again when that day comes.






The Lord said to have FAITH.
It's impossible to see now, but He will be saved and will be changed.














But I don't know God.
I don't think he cares anymore.
They're right......
He is exploring the lesser things.... instead of pursuing you with ALL OF HIS HEART.

Well, I don't know...
But since that tall dancing adultress is there, obviously he is divided
AND doesn't care about me anymore
AND just want to have some satisfaction with a lot of worldly girls.















I don't know with him anymore God.
Maybe they are right.

He is just a waste of time.
He is just a waste of my tears.

Why do I care so much for a person who just like to trash me like that...















I guess, I'll continue to completely forget about
EVERY SINGLE MEMORY we have.
EVERY SINGLE JOY we shared.
EVERY SINGLE LOVE I have for you...






I don't wanna do it.
But I deserve better.

I deserve someone who will never replace me with lesser things.
I deserve someone who is sure of me.
I deserve someone who will lead me to God and not to sin.

I deserve a Man of God.



Not you.
Everything good in you is useless because He is not in you.

I'll just continue to focus on the Lord.

I don't even know if I wanna see you in life again...
I don't know if I wanna see you ever again...

Because when I do, maybe I would want you more...
and I will get hurt and see you with some random girl.....


I don't think I can ever stand to see the day...
To see a different woman next to you.... and see you crazy about her...





Maybe it's better to just get rid of you for the rest of my life.

Ang saya pala natin no

I just got my phone back today and recovered all the photos.

Andami pala natin memories.
Lahat masaya.

Sobrang saya.

Hindi mo din makakalimutan un.
100% sure na ako.

What we have/had was something VERY HARD to find.

I hope time lang talaga to para mahanap natin so God at mga purpose natin sa buhay.

I remember why I trusted you so much.
You were that one in a million man.

I looked for a lot of replacements.
I really tried before pero wala talaga.

I hope you'll realize that too when you're done dating around...

I've met some that are better
I've met some that have come close

But no one is like you.

No one is like US.

Its not because of you.
I remember now that I chose you because of how YOU and I are together.

Wish ko lang talaga marealize no din un...

Balik ka ha.
Miss na kita.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose."

I wish I can show this to you.

I've been getting stuff from my QT too... that I wanted to share to you. I hope you're continuously growing in the Lord. I hope He is giving you BIG revelations everyday. I love you. I hope you're doing well.





I miss you.

I will not see you until I graduate.

And that could be a year or two from now...

Anything could happen.







I really miss you.
and it's been a week since I cut you off.









I hope you miss me too...
I hope you're pursuing God.


I'm doing better.
The Lord is healing me.
I'm not drinking and cutting anymore.











I wonder if you still think of me...
God is all we needed...









God said I can be certain.
He said He hears my prayers and you will be saved and be free.









I am doing my best not to desire you back.
Even if I still really want you here... someday.
When everything is okay.





What the Lord is teaching me recently is that, I should stop thinking that someday it will be better, why can't it be better now. Do the best that I can for the Lord and myself now.

I should just fix my eyes on Him and He will take care of the rest.
He will take care of my life, your life, my walk and your walk.

2 years.
2 Christmas.
2 New Years.
2 Birthdays.

Just 2 years without you and if everything turns out well, I could spend forever with you.

Maybe it's better if I should stop asking Mitzi about you and Jennifer and how do you feel and what do you think of me, how is your walk and do you still love me and such.

Faith.

"Faith is being certain of we do not see, and confidence on the things that we hope for."
-Hebrews 11:1

& the Lord said, it will not delay.

There was this time that I was giving up on you.
I am not sure about the Lord yet but I feel like He is asking me to let you go now...
but look forward for my answered prayers for you and I later.

He wants me to give you up now and let you go.
But he knows the desires of my heart.

I am asking him to change it if it's not you.
So when I see you again, even if that day comes and you still love me and pursue me...

I won't love you back anymore...



'cuz I honestly don't think that you would fight for me... hard...



'cuz I am running towards God.
Running as fast as I can.


By the time I am ready to see you.
I am for sure a servant leader already.

That I need to do things right in the eyes of the Lord.

Meaning, when you want me back you won't just have to prove me that you love me.
You have to talk and PRAY with KP, Kuya Mark & Ate Nikki.
And of course most of all, my Jesus.


And I feel like that will frustrate you...
and will give up on me............................................

Maybe yah, but I am 99% sure that you will back out and give up.
'cuz that's what you have to do...














So...
I am forgetting about you...
each day...
I don't want to.
I don't know how.
But I am trying.
I wanna try.














Since I kinda... feel that you don't love me as much as I love you.

DAY 1: SEASON OF REBIRTH, RESTORATION & GROWTH

THINGS TO ACCOMPLISH DURING THIS SEASON.

1.  Focus on the Lord and hope that He will give me a change of heart if Daryl is not for me. (although I still hope it's us in the end...)
2. Get my drivers license OMG
3. Transfer to CSUN
4. Get out of McD's & get another restaurant job
5. Apply as a Student Worker at CSUN
6. Make things happen
7. Paint at least one painting and sell it!
8. Serve at Ministries
9. Forgive and hang out with daddy more
10. Forgive horsey
11. When I get the money from my 2 "dream" jobs lol for the year, I would send at least $20 per month to mommy.

I'll keep going back on this list to cross out the ones I already accomplish.
Sana nga totoo na Daryl stopped whoring around...
I hope he really is focusing on the Lord now.........................

I hope you still miss me...
You said you moved on...
I'll just keep pursuing the Lord and I hope us being together in the future is part of His plan to glorify His name. Someday...




For now, I'll just go back to praying for you and just hope that we can still be bestfriends again.
I don't know how is that possible because I don't think I can ever see you anything less than who you are to me now... my love for you just keeps growing each day... I don't know how to minimize it... but si Lord na bahala....

I love you and it's just the first day and I already miss you.

Completely forgetting about you.

Hey there, stranger.

It’s been a very long time, which I’m sure you’re aware of. I’d like to say that it was your decision alone to keep this distance, but I think we both know it was for the best. I’d like to say that I’m glad you are well, but as we both know I have absolutely no idea how you are. The one thing that can definitely be said is that when we cut ties, we leave no strand behind, but slice right through until we no longer remember how to find each other. It’s amazing to think that once we were inseparable, the best of friends.
You knew me inside and out, and I, you. We were there for each other in the best of times and through the most difficult of times. We definitely managed to put each other through hell on occasion, but when support was needed the most, support was given. Until, of course, that final day. I sometimes find myself wondering why we couldn’t stay in touch. Would it be so bad if we got together for coffee from time to time? Or if we gave each other a ring to see how the other was doing?
Using the phone to make calls has become archaic, but surely we could send a text to wish each other a happy birthday? Or a happy New Year? I mean, we’ve been through so much. You are a part of my life and there is nothing I can do to ever change that.
You can’t be forgotten because forgetting you would be like forgetting myself — impossible. But then again, maybe you are right. Maybe we are better off as far apart as possible. We know we aren’t right for each other. We know it would never work, and we know the friendship we have — we had — created a bond that would make slipping back into romance too easy. It would make repeating the same mistakes too likely, repeating the same heartbreak certain. That’s what it really comes down to: It’s not my heart that I’m worried about, but yours. Breaking my own heart would be my responsibility to bear, but I can’t once again be responsible for breaking yours.
So all that I can do is wish you the best. Wish you a great, bright, loving future. Wish you to find the lover of your dreams and to create a lifetime of your fantasies. I wish for you to find a friend as great as me, but a much better partner. One who won’t drag you through the mud. One who you won’t feel the need to bury with guilt. I wish you all the best and although you will never read this, although we will never speak to each other again, and although you are out of my life forever, I wish you nothing short of happiness.

Never again to be yours, 
Your Lost Best Friend

LAST MESSAGE.

I'm really sorry for what I just did.
I didn't mean to do that.

I understand the situation.
I know what to do.

I just freaked out.
I am not myself lately.

I am so sorry.

I really am ready to move on too.
I am ready to see what the future holds too.

I'm sorry for slapping you.
I'm sorry for blocking the door for you.
I'm sorry for grabbing your shirt.
I'm sorry for begging.
I'm sorry for choking you to death.

I really didn't mean it.

I really really didn't mean to beg.

I am so sorry.
I am so sorry for everything.

I am letting you go do whatever you like.
I am setting you free.

I am so sorry for everything.

I am ready for new life too.

I am forgetting about you and everything that we have.
Till next time na lang.

I am so sorry, I really didn't mean to force myself to you like that.

I feel the same too.

It just hurts to see you move on, and see that I am replaced
before I can do it. I just always feared to be left behind and people I love moving on first before I do.

I am so sorry.
I really am sorry.

I know we need this.
You need this.

I'll just let the Lord do what he wants.
I'll just let you do what you want.

If you're happier without me, it's fine.

I just really freaked out today.
I didn't know why I did what I did -________-
I am very very very very very very sorry.

I really didn't mean to choke you to death.

I am letting you go and never desire you back.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for loving me, and letting me be part of your life.

I really am forgetting about you now and what we have and that you existed. Someday you might be alive again, but for now you're dead. You'll never hear anything about me anymore. It will be just as if I never existed and same thing I will do to you.

I hope you have a great time today.

I just freaked out cuz I know you will and I don't want you to.

I hope she always make you happy and satisfied.
or I hope you find your happiness and satisfaction.

I am so sorry for everything.

I am really letting you go now, for sure.

I am so sorry for everything.
and anything I lack.

See you, till next time na lang.

Thank you also, for letting me have Tux for the last time today.
Thank you for everything and I am so sorry for everything...

See you next time.
Bye.

Vodka and Monster for breakfast.

I'm a mess.
I wish I can drink some acetone ya kno.

Been drinking since 6am.
THUG LIFE.

Smirnoff, Svedka and Monster.
Ya'll mah bestfriends!

Is it true that men really never forget their first love?

I hope so.
I really hope so.

15-22

I met you when I was 15
Fell in love with you when I was 16
Lost you when I was 22

I really hope that all we needed is time.

Sabi nila, nde daw nakakalimutan ng lalake ang unang babaeng minahal nila ng totoo.
Sana totoo un.

Sabi nila, minsan ang lalake gusto lang mabuhay at makipagdate
Pero marerealize nila na iba pala ang buhay na wala ka.

Sana nga totoo yan.

Kasi miss na miss na kita.

Sana totoo nga ung sinasabi nila.
Sana totoo nga na kelangan mo lang huminga.

Sana totoo nga na eto lang talaga kailangan natin.

Sabi ni God babalik ka daw.
At pag balik mo, nasa puso mo na si God.

Hirap na hirap ako.
Iyak ako ng iyak haha

Para na akong tanga.

Miss na miss na kita.
Ako, namimiss mo ba?

Sana pag nakikita mo xa, ako nakikita mo.
Sana naiisip mo parin ako.

Mahal na mahal kita Yell.
Mahal na mahal na mahal kita.

I woke up to turn off my alarm from my computer and this is what I see.

I even just had a dream on how it all started between us. Nde ko nga alam kung pano napunta yan jan


 I'm stupid.


I miss us.


Please don't leave.
I still love you...

God is with me.

I will be okay.

INSECURE.

Para akong tanga.
Ngseselos ako sa bawat babae na pumapasok sa buhay niya.

Madaming kaibigan na babae un eh.
Ganun lang talaga.

I need to stop.
I really need to stop.

GUARD YOUR HEART MAIQUI.

Shouldn't let my heart feel this way.

Lord, please fix my phone soon.
I need to block him out of my life.

I can't stand this.

Just when I thought I am doing better...
Just when I thought I can handle seeing him with someone else.

New girl came, and I struggle to keep myself together.

I really need to stop.
I really really need to stop.

Insecure ako.
Yun yun eh.

Ngaaral lang ako
Ngttrabaho sa McDo
Walang shows
Walang ginagawa sa talents

Eto na siguro yon.
Great attacker is on its way.

Jennifer naman.

Teacher na xa, mai career na.
Dancer pa.
Sexy pa.
Outdoor-ish pa.

Selos na selos ako.

Ayaw ko ng ganito.

Nasasaktan nanaman ako.

Para nanaman akong tanga.

THINGS TO DO.

Never look at his profile.
Never use my mom's profile to look at his profile.
Never say good night before he does.
Never bring up the girls he is dating.
Never show you're hurting.

Show that you care, but not too much that it will show that you still love him.
Don't ask for that hug, if his hug seems like he doesn't care, maybe it's because he really doesn't. Don't long for his presence anymore, be the first one to move on.

When you chat, don't talk as if you really wanna hear his stories.
Respond in the shortest way and coldest way you can.

He is happier without you.
Give him whatever makes him happy.

If Pot got saved.

Daryl can be saved again.
Daryl can have his fire back.
Daryl can fall in love with Jesus again too.

I know you are working in his life God.
I pray that he will feel your embrace everyday and desire to be with you more and more each day.



Thank you so much for my brothers heart Lord.
No words can express how happy I am.

I love you!

I'll keep in touch.

But my motives is just to keep my best friend.
I will never let go of my best friend.

I will not give my heart to him, I will give him my friendship.
I will pray for him like how I would pray for my best friend.

I will show love to his family, because they are my family too.

But I'll move forward and grow.

And when the Lord said it's okay, I'll go for it.

But I will not pursue you anymore.

The Lord said he will give you back.
But I don't want to put my hope on that.
Kinda wanna do, but I don't want to linger on that.

I just want to pursue God and be His woman.
Because I love God more.

DREAMING AGAIN.

WHERE DO I SEE MYSELF 5 YEARS FROM NOW.

Okay, let's see...
Let's give college 2 more years. 2 years MAX and I need to get out of that place LOL
2016 is the finish line lol

5 years from now I will be 28.
OMG FREAKIN TWENTY EIGHT YEARS OLD. OMG.

If I graduate in 2 years, I will finish when I am 24 or 25. OMG. I'm old.

(Sorry Lord, I know you have plans for me, but you know dreams dreams lang naman ako eh hhehehehhehehehhehe pagbigyan hehehhheh)

It's 2014 now and my goals this year is to
transfer,
quit McD's and go to a restaurant and get tips
and win Tawag Ng Tanghalan.
Simple lang.

OMG, I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE TOO.

Okay,

2014 
23 years old

I need to transfer
Quit McD's
Win Tawag
Get my license.

Okay,

2015 at CSUN
24 years old

I need to find myself an internship.
MGA, Warner Bros., etc. I NEED ONE.
a year from now, I NEED AN INTERNSHIP.

Hmmm, that's all I have for now at CSUN lol
Maybe graduate too, but we'll see what the Lord will do this year.

2016
25 years old

HA, I NEED TO GRADUATE THIS YEAR OMG.
I need to work in a company that will legitimately pay me.
By this time, I need to pay bills already like insurance, and stuff (-____-)
I gotta start driving a car. THIS IS A MUST FOR THIS YEAR.

Start saving for my future. Let's sayyyy $200 per month.

And I think I will move out of my apartment here at Reseda and get my own.
Like a room or something. I don't think I can afford an apartment for myself yet. That's freakin' $1500 PER MONTH utilities not included -_______- maybe ehhhh we'll see LOL

2017
26 years old

Actually, ha.... I don't know anymore.
What to look forward to when you're done with school.
Be a superstar? haha hmmm...

Well, I wanna pursue my dreams still so maybe yah... I'll audition for The Voice and stuff lol
Just work on my career ya kno hopefully I can save enough money to have my Mercedes Benz lol
But not the goal.

26, maybe... just improvement. Promotion ganyan, comps lalalala





ha, that's just 2 years.


idk, last 3 years of my 5 year plan.

Well, maybe in 5 years I can have my Mercedez already! haha 30 gran for the one I like hihi lol I can lease that haha!
Saved enough money for my dream wedding and dream future house and life :)
I AM ALREADY A WORSHIP LEADER <3

MY MOM OMG, I forgot.
My mom will have her house and amazing life already!
PROVIDED BY THE BLESSINGS OF THE LORD THOUGH ME!!

After those 2 years, I will just improve, continue growing and help my mom out and give her the life she deserve. And hopefully get married at 28 :)

28 or 27ish is my preferred marrying age. lol
But eh, no rush. lol


In conclusion,
5 years from now.
It would be nice if I have a title that I can be proud of that will reflect all my hard work and passion.
I will be with the Lord, doing works for Him <3
My mommy and siblings will finally have a nice house :')
And I think I can do my Mercedes Benz! Haha LEASED lol
And I will be living in a descent apartment, around here in the valley :)






Okay, wait.
Calculate natin yan.

Based on monthly bills.

Fixed Expenses
NICE APARTMENT : ~$2000
UTILITIES: ~$300
CAR INSURANCE: ~$150
MERCEDES BENZ (lol) : ~$700
GAS: ~$400
FOOD: ~$200

To live the dream life 5 years from now
I need to have a at least $3750 per month and have $45000 per year.
Just to pay these bills, but of course I am aware that there's other things I want to spend on and stuff.

So, I need to make $50,000-$60,000 per year.
Better if I make $70,000 or more but to live the life I need a job that will give me $50,000-$60,000.
If I wanna live for myself lang & not help mama.

With $50k I can only spend $416 per month.
With $60k I can spend $15000
With $70k I can spend 25,000


Well, I don't need the benz lol, dream dream lang LOL
Honda Accord will do HAHA
Depends what the Lord will bless me with :)

But yeah! 5 year plan! hahahah

knytnyt <3

He still loves me.

You know although I really feel that we are not supposed to be together right now.
It is different.

Before when I was with you, the more I pursue God, the farther I am from you.
The more I grow in the Lord, the more I feel like I need to let go and leave you.

But now, I feel like I am getting more drawn to you the more I grow.
But in the right way.

I don't want to really put my hopes up, but that's how I feel at the moment.

We are not supposed to be together right now and I know for a fact the Lord will hate it and I will hate it if we get back together soon.

But I see you there again.
Not right now.




But later later later.
2 years from now, 3 years from now.

When everything is right.
When everything is fulfilled.



The Lord knows the desires of my heart.


I just have to obey & trust that the Lord knows what he is doing.

"Madaming iba yan, pipila ka"

No it's not funny.
You think he is THAT amazing?

So you're saying that I deserve to be cheated on & replaced.

I don't know anymore.

This is the same exact scenario my mom was in.

She was cheated on, but she worked hard to have her husband back and when she told her mother-in-law and all the mom said is that "He won't cheat if you're not the way you are"

Excuse me, xa pipila sa linya ko.
I will show you that I have TONS of them that are dying to have me.

You have no idea how MUCH I degraded myself just for your little son.

I bet he can't do ANYTHING that I have done for him to me.

He is the one who will stand in my long line.
& this time, it will be difficult for him to get in.




They are not that great.
Yes, BOTH of them.

They are both SHALLOW.

If it doesn't benefit them, they're gone.
If it's not sexy, they're gone.
If it doesn't take care of them, they're gone.



You say I should work for that?
He's lucky I am here.



Good luck for the next woman.
Because I'm gone.


I'm done trying to look desperate.
I'm done degrading myself.

You think they're worth more?
I AM WORTH MORE.

Okay fine, I will give you your space.

I will stop.
I promise, I'm sorry that I kept bothering you.

I need to study.
I need to stop.
I need to focus on myself.
I need to grow.




I will give you that space that you need.




I will not message you until you say anything or I need to say something VERY IMPORTANT.



No more of:

GOOD NIGHT
HAVE A GREAT DAY
HOW ARE YOU
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN













I'm sorry Yell, I'm still learning how to give you your space.
I will be mature about it, I will do my best to be mature about this.


I will give you the space you need.

Would you ever dare write me a love song?

Every girl in your life have a love song.
FINISHED love song.

Me. NONE.

That's how worthless I am to you.




I am the girl who have to work hard to get a little love from you
while the girls of the rest of the world just have to live and stand there and you will give them the universe.












I'm such a loser.
I wish I can just easily forget you like you did.

Moving on.

I'm still having my moments but I think I got this.

I will not say good night anymore, not unless he does.
Maybe when he does I'll just reply with a smiley face.

I will do my best not to talk to him as much.
I will not be too honest about my emotions anymore.

I am moving on.
I close my eyes and he is not there.

Maybe... I think.
idk.



I'm thinking about it....


Let's see...


I will graduate, be a successful professional, driving a nice car with my banging professional sophisticated mature woman personality AND an amazing servant of the Lord.

That's the goal.

Him, idk what he wants.

All I want for him is to be a man of God. All I want is a man of God.
That's all he lacks.

Okay let's say I made it, I succeeded. I am a pro successful amazing woman. k









idk... I don't see him there anymore.




Ya, it hurts.
But idk, maybe.

Maybe its because I see him as who he is right now...

idk, maybe.





But for now, he is not in my future.
And I am most likely not in his right now too.



I want to...
I really want to be with him.




I guess I really am just starting to move on...
idk, maybe when I see him with someone I will go crazy again.




But, I think I'm fine.






I feel like he is moving on too...
I feel like he is losing his love of me...
I feel like he doesn't love me anymore...







He doesn't care as much anymore.
Maybe he does, but he cares for me as his closest best friend...
Since we've gone through everything together...





Well, he said he doesn't love me anymore.
He said someone out there can love me more than he can.
He said I deserve something better than what he can offer.
and I heard that as "I deserve something better than a woman like Mike"







I guess... I'll just leave...







Maybe, I still love him.
Maybe, it's fading too...



Things are not like before anymore.
We are growing now.



I'll start unloving you now.
And expect a future without you, FEARLESSLY.

I didn't realize how much I needed you.

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor: 
 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up. 
 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone? 
 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
 -Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

I remember I used to always say I don't need you, and I don't need anyone.
I'm sorry... I actually need you.
I need everyone.

Things to do for Tita

She is the mother of the man of my dreams.
She raised him and gave birth to him.
I need to give more props to her than what I can actually imagine.
Without her he will never exist and be a part of me.

I never knew how much I need to value her.
If I love his son, I owe a lot to the one who brought him in the world.





I need to not just give gifts and other stuff.
I need to really show how thankful I am that she brought Daryl in this world.
I need to let her know that she can rely on me and trust me with her son.


I need to show her
I can HELP her clean.
I can HELP her cook.

I need to do things to make the load easier for her.

I am not just loving her son.
If we get married.

I will be her partner in the house.

We will be in-laws.

I actually never seen it that way.




The Lord did not say don't try.
I will make it up to her.






It took me awhile to truly comprehend where I belong and where I should stand.






I will figure it out, I will do it.
I will show her, and Tito how much they mean to me and how thankful I am that they raised the man of my dreams.




I will show them I am worthy.
I will do my best to stop crying everyday and work hard in school.
I will come over and clean and help her out with things.
I will ask how her day went and how she feels.
I will watch TV with her and tell stories.
I will make her my bff.

And most importantly, I need to give her time to have her child.



I am not like my mom and yes mommy, I actually love men who love their moms.
No more hate, but all love.



LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

I love you Daryl Ogalino.

I love you very much.
& I miss you every second.
















I really really really really wish that the Lord would let me have you again.

Gusto ko dito ka lang.
I want you to keep me close.
I want you to always look at me as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world.



























I love you.