I will not see you until I graduate.

And that could be a year or two from now...

Anything could happen.







I really miss you.
and it's been a week since I cut you off.









I hope you miss me too...
I hope you're pursuing God.


I'm doing better.
The Lord is healing me.
I'm not drinking and cutting anymore.











I wonder if you still think of me...
God is all we needed...









God said I can be certain.
He said He hears my prayers and you will be saved and be free.









I am doing my best not to desire you back.
Even if I still really want you here... someday.
When everything is okay.





What the Lord is teaching me recently is that, I should stop thinking that someday it will be better, why can't it be better now. Do the best that I can for the Lord and myself now.

I should just fix my eyes on Him and He will take care of the rest.
He will take care of my life, your life, my walk and your walk.

2 years.
2 Christmas.
2 New Years.
2 Birthdays.

Just 2 years without you and if everything turns out well, I could spend forever with you.

Maybe it's better if I should stop asking Mitzi about you and Jennifer and how do you feel and what do you think of me, how is your walk and do you still love me and such.

Faith.

"Faith is being certain of we do not see, and confidence on the things that we hope for."
-Hebrews 11:1

& the Lord said, it will not delay.

There was this time that I was giving up on you.
I am not sure about the Lord yet but I feel like He is asking me to let you go now...
but look forward for my answered prayers for you and I later.

He wants me to give you up now and let you go.
But he knows the desires of my heart.

I am asking him to change it if it's not you.
So when I see you again, even if that day comes and you still love me and pursue me...

I won't love you back anymore...



'cuz I honestly don't think that you would fight for me... hard...



'cuz I am running towards God.
Running as fast as I can.


By the time I am ready to see you.
I am for sure a servant leader already.

That I need to do things right in the eyes of the Lord.

Meaning, when you want me back you won't just have to prove me that you love me.
You have to talk and PRAY with KP, Kuya Mark & Ate Nikki.
And of course most of all, my Jesus.


And I feel like that will frustrate you...
and will give up on me............................................

Maybe yah, but I am 99% sure that you will back out and give up.
'cuz that's what you have to do...














So...
I am forgetting about you...
each day...
I don't want to.
I don't know how.
But I am trying.
I wanna try.














Since I kinda... feel that you don't love me as much as I love you.