You kept asking if I am where you're at
Kooya Bae ha LOL
No, I won't bring you food at work.
I can't.
I don't have a car.
I would take the bus for you and bring you food, but I won't 'cuz I can't LOL
Thats not very guarding your heart move
So starve and keep dreaming of breakfast burritos and sinigang.
Hahhhahahahhhh you just responded hhaahahhahahahaha
Bae <3
Okay, bae and I literally broke all the rules today.
One on one QT
One on one eating
One on one car ride
Aaaaaand I don't think I have and I don't think HE have his guard up.
Well I do admit that, I did miss bae
And bae was so sweet!
SO WHAT A GIRL WOULD DO LOLOLOLOL
okay, I'm gunna stop.
This is the last time I am going to do this.
Jk, I've been saying that.
I DONT KNOW LOL
Well I am going to keep saying that till I finally did it.
I have to be careful and not fall in love with Brian.
Baerian LOL
Kay God imma stop bai lol
I need to be excited to talk about Him more
I am still very young
And it shouldn't be that way for long
I want to grow
I want to move forward
I want to do more for the Lord
I want to be bold
I miss him tho...
Haven't talked to him for...
Omg 4 days.
Well we talk but not much anymore
All business
All fellowship
3 min conversations
And bae looks stressed out
I wanna help him out
God, is it wrong if I ask him what's wrong?
Possibly his bills, his ministries, his teachings, his testimony, his boss (lol probably she's back haha), family, or all of the above
I pray you give him rest
Bae looks so tired
I hope he is okay
I'll pray for him
& I need to fast
I'll start fasting this Wednesday
Then after that I'll do Mondays, so matching with the Soaking at night
I need to grow
I need to be more focused
Ugh I miss Brian Lord D;
I really do
Idk if it would help if we pray about it
He asked if we should
And I said no
Idk God
Actually, I'll just keep doing what we are doing.
I miss Brian so much LOL
I hope he misses me too... LOL
I don't wanna flirt with someone else's beautiful husband and not every good man is your GB.
And I wanna do God's work.
BUT I MISS HIM SO MUCH
I WISH I CAN TALK TO HIM
NORMALLY
I WISH I CAN HANG WITH HIM
I WISH I CAN WORKOUT WITH HIM
I WISH I CAN GO HIKING WITH HIM
I MISS DOING QT HIM
I WANNA SHARE MY FIRST CLUBBING EXPERIENCE TO HIM AND HOW SCARED I WAS OF THE THIRSTIES.
I swear that place!
FIRST AND LAST.
I wanna tell him stories
I MISS TELLING HIM STORIES
I MISS BRIAN PERIOD
AND ITS DRIVING ME INSANE.
BUT GOTTA BE A P31 FIRST
GOTTA LET THE LORD CONSUME ME FIRST.
Will not risk distracting bae and myself
I miss u bae
See you tomorrow at Prayer Night
No no no
YOU THINK I AM DOING THIS FOR U
HAH
FOE DA LORD DAWG
FOE DA LORD
YEAH!! PART OF IT IS YOU CUZ I DONT WANNA GET LEFT OUT BUT OF COURSE FOR JC TOO YA KNO
But since you think that way!
Freakinnnn "shhhhhhuuuur"
Well,
You know what, I will probably learn it still 'cuz I am enjoying it and I really wanna learn! SO PASTOR B, FORGET U.
You're gunna be stepping it up a lot this coming WEEKS DUDE. WEEKS.
No, not months to go. In a week or so! SOMEONE WILL SHARE THEIR TESTIMONY AND TEACH AND LEAD.
Here I am starting my services too anddddd not being diligent with mah QT LOLOLOLOL
Gotta... Step up mah game too
Ugh, school, bills, work, ugh new consulting firm, ministries!
All I need is to get plugged in again to JC with mah KYOW-TEEEE
Pastor B, be on it with Jesus
Gotta catch up LOL!!
:)
NSJHSBSSH
Gotta let that pride down and guard high up!!!!
And as I say that, I say that to myself too LOLOLOLOLOL
Actually your guard seems higher.
K, imma make mine higher LOL
Sometimes I wonder how come you never get annoyed of me!?!? I AM ACTUALLY TRYING TO GET ON YOUR NERVES. LOL
Whatever, that ain't the focus of this season.
Do whatever chu want
Think whatever chu want
I am going to fix my eyes on JC
Praise God lang for you making me smile like this and making me feel close to Him :)
I am not who I was before
I am a whole new different person
And I am constantly improving
I always dream big
I always wanna accomplish
I always wanna be successful
I never stopped
I never gave up
Buhay lang lagi ngyyri
'cuz the Lord always wanna tell me na He have a plan.
HIS>mine
I will be something great
For Him
I will not settle
Mejo nakikita ko na what the Lord said that if I continue to obey and fix my eyes on Him I will see His goodness
& the more I grow closer to Him
The more I see His greatness and mercy in my life
Realize ko lang
How important it is to keep my eyes on Him
& how much I've grown
So, if ever I can stop thinking about it too much.
I think I'm getting distracted.
Yeah, I am.
Ugh, idk.
Actually...
I still think about him a lot and that's bad.
Nah, I won't pray about it.
He will consume my mind more and prayer creates connections to the person and I got no time foe those.
Well.
I need to QT.
I'm dry LOL
Kbai
"I don't want to"
Jdjsnbsnnsbsnnsbsbsn
"I just don't want to put you above the Lord"
Brian does like me a lot now too ha
WE. NEED. TO. BE. EXTRA. CAREFUL. NOW.
BOUNDARIES SET HIGHER.
I hope we actually do it.
The struggle is happening
Its getting serious now.
The seed has been planted and its growing and growing lol
We need to stop nourishing it.
We do encourage each other and all
But the fear is to put each other above the Lord
And I don't want to pray about it 'cuz what if the Lord said wait. I will be distracted.
I just want to set my eyes on the King.
Focus on Jesus omgggggg
Do His work
And let His will take its course.
I just can't believe that Brian actually like me THAT MUCH now.
I'm scared that I might fall in love with him
I'm scared this would get deeper
He does make me happy
And I am myself around him
And I feel close to God when I am with him
Its just ugh we are very weak still!!!!
CAN'T PUT ANYTHING ABOVE GOD
WILL NOT ENTERTAIN THIS TILL I FEEL THAT WE ARE STRONGER.
I am so KILIG LOL
But no, I don't want to think about that right now.
Ministry
School
Work
THATS IT.
Kuya Brian you are so sweet I swear.
Stop doing this or I might fall in love again and that's scary.
MY HEAD IS EXPLODING WITH ALL OF THESE MONEY TALKS.
All sale marks
All credit scores and money stuff LOL
I feel like I'm learning more about business and money while talking to B, more than when I am school LOL
I need to pay attention to school more LOL
I'm so lost
I don't wanna look stupid
And I am a business major! LOL
& he's so humble and always say he is not that smart.
I FEEL STYUPID WHEN WE TALK.
& I WONT LIKE A STYUPID MAN EVER PASTOR B
Minsan naiisip ko parin.
Pano pagdating ng araw tas okay na lahat for both of us.
What if lang
Before, naiisip ko na maybe... Pwede pa
But now
I realized that love is not enough
I'm not saying that B is GB and I moved on 'cuz B is there.
I feel that the enemy sent us to each other to distract us from God's work but the Lord did something in me using him.
Because of Brian, I realized that there is a man that can encourage me to love Christ MORE.
& that my heart is protected by God's love
& it made me see that I just thought that Daryl was encouraging me to grow but he is only doing it in a worldly way.
Encouragement sa dreams, career, etc. Everything that will fade away.
But I never got the encouragement for the Lord & yun ung that will last forever..
With B
Gumagawa talaga xa ng paraan to lead me to Christ and not to himself. & letting the Lord move in our lives.
He constantly remind me na we need to honor Gods word and that it really is the core of everything in our lives.
With Yell, I was constantly reminded that I need to have a lot of money and success which is great I love that too not gunna lie.
But its all the world....
With B
although that is cool too, his priority is building God's kingdom.
& he always tell me that its just money.
He can make more money if he want to
But he chose Jesus above all.
COMMITMENT TO THE KING.
COMPLETE SURRENDER.
& since I saw a heart like Brian
It made me not want to go back to Daryl ever again anymore.
Even if he becomes super devoted to the Lord. I don't think I can because I finally realized that I deserve so much more than what this world can give.
It's not like I'm gunna marry Brian and I'm in love with him LOL
I'M JUST ZEYIN
His heart for the Lord made me realize that Daryl is not all that & there is nothing to go back for anymore.
If Brian is not GB,
I really really want someone with a heart like His & something that he does to me LOLNDJAJJSJAJSJJSJS
Someone that will encourage me to love God more
Someone who will lead me to God and not to himself
Someone who will constantly remind me of God's greatness and love
Someone who will constantly remind me that He is the center of EVERYTHING
& someone who will let go of everything to be with the Lord and do everything for the Lord
I'm not excluding myself from being his GB LOL, I'm just you know. I don't want to think about that right now.
All I know that's what he does and I am excited for what the Lord have for both of our lives as servants.
& there is still a lot of refinement to be made.
I am just happy the Brian is my friend :)
I guess that cool.
Bsajwnanhsakehhs
STRICT NAMAN!!!
Shjajabshjqkwbajhshabsbajjwhbaba
I guess that cool.
Bsajwnanhsakehhs
STRICT NAMAN!!!
Shjajabshjqkwbajhshabsbajjwhbaba
LOL
I saw that Kuya B.
Tsk
Natouch naman ako lol
When he shared that he was sad last night and today too lol but he seemed happier later :)
But no!
MAIQUI DON'T MESS IT UP
MAIQUI DON'T MESS IT ALL UP FOR HIM
Funny how the Lord works lol
Okay Pastor Brian
Blooming Spanish Worship Leader Brian hahaha!
Such commitment <3
Such a man LOL
kbai LOL
Today was REALLY GREAT
Everything was going GREAT
But I guess the Lord is just protecting us.
I'm not going to be mad of the situation.
I'm not going to think that what if I've done this instead, should've done that lalalala
The Lord tailored it that way to protect both of us.
There must be a BIG plan that the Lord for both of us that He have to protect us like this.
True
We are still both very weak.
KP & Ate Niks just cares for both of us.
& if everyone is starting to notice how close Brian and I are, it means that both of our guards are coming down...
Sam even said that B and I are too obvious and that we can't hide anything.
I really wanted to talk to him right now and talk about this but I guess there is nothing to talk about...
I know what is going on and what needs to be done. The Lord will take care of us and its not a priority.
The Lord will talk to me
The Lord will talk to him
I guess
Its fine before it gets deeper
And I don't want to snatch Brian away from the Lord and I know he doesn't want that for me too.
Just like what they said
And we know and understand
It is not the right time and we are not ready
There is still a lot of work that needs to be done for the Lord.
This is good, at least for now.
They are not really against us.
They're just protecting us.
We need to serve and fall madly in love with our Maker first.
:'(
Sucks. Lol
But hey
Faith without deed is dead.
Nice hanging out with you Kuya Brian
Whoever the Lord have for you is one blessed woman.
Bye :'(
Okay, I am literally having an emotional roller coaster lol
But whatever
Alexa asked me this and you know...
I am so happy that he is so different & we are so different.
Like, Daryl and I needed to have a mediator or we struggle being alone because of sex.
But Brian and I we don't do one on ones because we are guarding our hearts.
& that actually never came across my mind until Alexa brought it up today.
& when I see him, I don't long to touch him.
I don't want to be all over him.
Yah, it would be a plus hahah
But not so much plus
It's all the heart.
All the relationship with the Lord
& I don't see him that way at all
I don't want to go with the flow and let my heart and emotions take over me. I am the master of my emotions and I will guard it.
Brian and I are still very vulnerable...
But comparing it to all the past ones I had
Ugh we are just friends!
But whatever
Comparing to every single man I liked or been with or whatever
This is different
Maybe because the Lord is here and our main focus is Him
And He is stronger than I am
His heart.
I swear is what making me swoon lol
I don't care if he is short LOL
I don't care if he is fat
I don't care if he is not creative
Those are worldly standards that will fade
His heart for the Lord is very encouraging
What I like that I am getting out from this is that I feel that I am running faster that I thought I was when I spend time with him
Its just we are in a sensitive spot rn 'cuz we are not ready for anything
But GB or not, I love how he cares so much about my walk too...
& for me really being that woman that the Lord created me to be.
& doing his best to lead me to the Lord and not to himself and not to the world
Maybe that is his Kuya side
But either way
I am glad
And I am 100% not lusting over B
As corny as it might sound LOL
But I feel the most intimate with him when we talk about the Lord.
It's like talking about the Man we love the most.
I need to put more guard.
Just as he said.
We need to put more
For the Lord
& I might not see him as often anymore
Launching na Spanish BS next week and he is going to be very busy writing his teachings and praying for A LOT of people.
He won't be able to hang Wednesdays anymore while worship team practice and while we work on multimedia
He won't be able to hang PN
After bible study fellowship too
Sunday too
Awhhhhhhhhh
PASTOR BRIAN :'D hahahahhhh
And his QT's are gunna be extra longer now
He is going to start praying for A LOT MORE people
Ahhhh I need to take care of things too and be careful....
Just like what everyone is telling me
He is already a leader and I am starting to serve again. We need to be very careful not to make each other stumble or it would be very bad for ALL of our ministries.
FOCUS ON THE KING.
Ayaw ko ng boys
Ayaw ko isipin to
I feel like a thirsty whore.
Thirsty thirsty
Mai natitira parin
Mai kirot parin
Mai takot parin
Alam ko nde muna ito dapat isipin ko
Nde naman to important eh
God, career and building my life and His kingdom.
Ayaw ko nito.
Nakakainis naman kasi "Maybe This Time" bwiset na EJ yan! ah hahahahhahahahah
& nagiging sobrang close na kme ni B
Ung pagppray pray na yan
I don't want to be too close na magkasakitan kme. Kasi mai natitira pa dun sa isa..
Namimiss ko parin
Nagagalit parin ako
Mahal ko pa
Mahal na mahal
Ayaw ko.
Ayaw ko.
Kahit gaano ka-godly
Kahit gaano ka-bait
Kahit gaano ka-alaga
Ayaw ko.
Alis.
Nakakatakot na.
Maxado na ko natutuwa sayo.
Kelangan ko na talaga tapusin kahibangan ko.
Baka mapamahal na ko sayo.
Nakakatakot.
I'LL DO MY BEST TO RUN AWAY FROM YOU NOW. BYE KUYA B.
"Just be like me, my main goal is to fellowship and just hoping that you're there and if you're there its just a plus :)"
"You're motives needs to be right. Not because of Brian, but to fellowship with people who loves the Lord"
Okay, I lied.
Hahahahah more posts about bclar since I can't tell anyone... LOL
Well I can but I just choose not to lol
Blogger you're the only one who will know these lol
U mah bff rn
Still guarding my heart
Need to guard it more
So I can focus on being drenched in P31
All the bclar emotions will be posted here hahahahhahahaha
He went there today :)))
Which kinda made me happy
Jk it made me really happy ahhahahhahh
But KP was there and gave me the look LOLOLOLOL
We shared verses today and I shared what I thought of what he shared to me when he prayed for me.
Very Kuya mode :)
& I showed him my finished song
And he recorded it even if Cho and I were all over the place 'cuz Kuya Lui kept saying that we have to finish the video for church and not show the song LOLOLOL
OHHHH WELLLLLLLLLLL
First day that Kuya B and I didn't talk 24/7
Patience
Focus on the Lord
Respect His timing
Get lost in His presence
Thank You God for introducing me to a Kuya like Brian :)
Okay. Forgiveness forgiveness lol
BUT LORD CAN YOU NOT LET ANYONE TELL ME THEY ARE TALKING TO HIM OR THAT HE EXISTS CUZ I DONT WANNA KNOW THAT HE IS ALIVE.
KTNXBAI
I REALLY HOPE YOU SHOW UP TO PRACTICE TONIGHT JUST TO QT IN THE OFFICE WHILE WE WORK ON MULTIMEDIA STUFF.
Yun lng!
Low key.
Hoping you go to the office
Kdaughterofakingstumblingherekbai
NO I DONT.
Actually.
No I don't care.... THAT MUCH.
we're not supposed to talk anymore
So...
and all for Jesus.
All for the respect of His timing
And Brian is finally launching their Spanish Bible Study tomorrow.
Exciting!!!
And I just lead worship yesterday! :))
Idk.
I'll continue pursuing God
Guarding my heart
And if Kuya B decided to say hi I will say Hi
But I will not go as far as where he go
I will keep pursuing the Lord and guard my heart.
Master
Ministry
Mate :)
MY FILTER IS SOMEWHERE ELSE.
MY BRAIN IS SOMEWHERE ELSE.
I NEED TO FREAKIN MOVE AWAY FROM BRIAN NOW. I GET TOO NERVOUS AROUND HIM.
On the plus side!
Worship was great! :'D
Finally lead worship for the first time!
THANK U LORD FINALLY!
I am getting very awkward.
Nvm.
I DONT KNOW OMG GOD I DONT KNOW GOD AGBSNANBSNNAJAJJABDBBSJEJNSBSJNSNSNSNDNNSNDJJDNSNSJNSNSNSNNSNSNSNSNNSNSJSNSNJSNSNSNNSNSNDNNSNSNSNNSNSNSNSNJDJSJSNBDNAJSBSJSSNNSKJXBDKSKJDNSNJZNSJSJDJBSJSJJSJSJJSNSNSJJSJSJSJSJ
I DONT LIKE THISDBJSNAJJSJJJSKSKSKKSJSJSJJSJSKSJJSJSJANNSNSNDBJSNSNSBJAJEHSJJDJSJJDJSJSJSJJSJSJSJBWKOAJDBJKJDNAKKDJANJDJWNDJWNSJJENSJDJJWNSJDJSNJDNNSJDNSJDJJSJSJ
NSJSJNEBE
I JUST WANT JESUS OKAY!
DJJSNENSKJEJSJJSKSJSNSBNSJS
PASTOR BRIAN BE MAKING ME ALL KILIG AND STUFF AND I HATE ITBDBJWJENANJSJSKJSJSJSJJSJSJSJSJJAJAJJSJJAJAJAJJA
NO I WILL NOT PRAY ABOUT IT GOD
NO GOD I WILL NOT ASK YOU
NO GOD NO NO NO NO
I DONT LIKE THIS
I JUST WANT YOU OKAY BYE
Maaaaaaybe.................
I still kinda get kilig.
But........ Idk..........
I am just following Kuya B's lead.
I like talking to him.
But we decided not to anymore.
I don't text him first LOL
It was him who always message me tho!
Pastor Brian!!!!!
I hope me being mean yesterday helped.
He asked me what is wrong with me.
Which is good 'cuz it means its working LOL
and... I didn't say hi to him in the office when we got there then he threw a ball and his shoes at me 'cuz I just go pass by him hahahahhahhahh
And he kept saying that I don't appreciate. LOLOLOLOL
and this morning he called me from his office just to talk aaaaaand caught himself that we are not supposed to talk anymore.
My phase is kinda done.
Fading na.
Which is really good. Lol
Pastor B and I can focus on the Lord more then.
Kinda still wanna text him when he hung up the phone..... LOL.....
But no! Gotta spend that time with Jesus!
& time spent is relationship built!
#guardourhearts
Actually I don't need the guard anymore.
I'm good now. LOL
Since I have a tendency not to keep my mouth shut 'cuz of so much emotions and flesh that I can't contain.
Freakin' thirst of the pleshhhhhh
anyways, today.
I hope that Alexa and EJ don't spread to YA that Brian and I hung out Saturday night or else B and I are going to get killed by KP and Ate Niks.
Ugh, after this hang out and blabers. I learned my lesson. I will not tell EJ no more!!!! Now Pacheco knows ughhhhhhh
KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT
ALSO.
After that we decided not to.
UGHHHH
NO GOD I KNOW YOU WILL KEEP OUR FEET FROM SLIPPING AND I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON WITH DARYL AND I AM NOT GOING TO LET THIS HAPPEN.
YES I AM SPRINTING AWAY FROM BCLAR
HE IS MY KUYA
HE IS TABACHINGCHING
HE IS MALIIT
HE IS NOT GB
NO. I AM GOING AWAY.
Ugh God! BUT I AM KILIG!!! AND I LIKE IT CUZ I AM FORGETTING ABOUT YELL AND THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!! AAAANDD THATS BAAAAAAAAAAAD
I NEED TO FOCUS ON YOUUUUUUUUUU
WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
anyways, LOL with all the struggles aside LOL I think bclar missed me that's why he wanted to take me HOHOHOHOHOHO Saturday LOL #feelingerangwagas
NO ONES GUNNA READ THIS. LOL
EMOTIONS AND THIRST ALL THE WAY FOR U MY BLOGGERNASTY LOLLLOLOL
That's cute, mejo holding hands lol
BUT GOD U SEE AFTER LESS THAN 30 SECONDS BAKLAS AGAD! I thought of You, u seeeee lol
Being tempted is not a sin, its what you do about it. HA
Nako God...
Continue to guard us.
I can feel that he is struggling with his guard too. Kasi if he wasn't. He won't hold me like that, like nung Saturday and he won't talk to me till 6 am on Fridays when I don't make it to fellowship after BS. & he won't struggle not texting me all the time and get SUPER close to me when no super close church buddies.
He is right we are not potential distractions no more. Its too early....
We are a distraction now.
Ugh God, I LIKE IT I ADMITTTTTTTTT
I LIKE IT A LOT LIKE BATHSHEBA LOL
BUT NOOOOOOOO
Lord is it wrong that in this time....
I let him take the lead of where is this going.
UGH NO.
IM.NOT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I WILL PURSUE YOU JESUS
JUST YOU
KINIKILIG AKO SA GODLY PURSUIT.
KINIKILIG AKO SA THOUGHT OF A FUTURE PASTOR WIFE LOLOLOLOL JDJSJJSJDJJSJS#THIIIIIIIIIRSTMUSTEND
JSJJSRJJSJJSJSJJEBBDNEJEEJEK
JDJDJRJJEJEJ
GOD.
HIS MOM COOKED AND FED ME WITH SARAP FOOD & MADE ME VIRGIN MARGARITA.
GOD.
SATURDAY.
GOD.
HE LITERALLY WAS LIKE MY BOYFRIEND THAT DAY. AND I LIKE IT AND I DONT LIKE THAT I LIKE IT.
HE WAS SO CLOSE TO ME IN FRONT OF ERNEST AND ALL.
HE WAS ALL OVER ME.
& HE WAS PUSHING THE GUYS THAT ARE AWAY FROM ME AS IF I AM HIS PROPERTY.
TODAY.
OKAY
MONDAY TOMORROW.
NEW DAY.
NEW BEGINNING.
MY LITTLE PHASE GOT OUT OF HAND.
I like Brian a lot now soooooo that's bad and I am going to run away.
Nakakakakakanakas! LOLOLOLOLOL
Okay God sorry.
Last night we both realized that we are getting distracted now.
Well, its not that bad but we feel like its getting there.
SO FOR U LORD.
KUYA BRIAN AND I ARE ONLY GOING TO TALK AT CHURCH.
No more texting 24/7
No more one on ones
He's right. I have that safe zone with ALL the YA but him and I. We don't have that.
& the enemy is using this to distract us of what is going to happen in both of our lives.
It's perfect.
We both let go of everything we have to the Lord and the worldly love of our lives in exchange of Jesus.
& we both felt safe because we both know God and we're both VERY in love with the Lord. That... We think its okay....
Although, his love for the Lord is what attracted me to him.
Which what I have to work on.
God not the God in him
We are both so blessed to have KP and Ate Niks to watch over us lol
& I am blessed that he is stronger than me.
Fix our eyes on Jesus.
Be consumed by Jesus.
LET JESUS LEAD ME.
LET GOD'S WILL UNFOLD.
Respect His timing.
Honor His word.
PATIENCE.
Sorry God.
We didn't notice we were playing with fire.
Praise God you always always warn us and that You are in our hearts that we take notice of these things.
All or nothing.
For now, no more Kuya Brian.
Nope, not expecting anything. Not hoping.
Just focusing on the Lord and not thinking of anything.
MASTER
MINISTRY
MATE
In that order
