Psalm 34:18: May 2014

Today, I really need to make a declaration.

At this very moment.
I need to have my full heart on this and stick with it.

Really, really stick to it.
And not swerve to the left and right.

I need to fight for it.
I need to really tell myself this everyday.

That, this is what I really decided to do.

He's gone forever MaiQui.
Forever.
Never coming back.

You need to accept that.
You need to embrace that.
You need to learn how to live with that.

You guys now are just a memory.
And forever will be.

He left you.
It's his decision to break and shatter everything that you both have.
There is nothing to hold on to anymore.

It still hurts A LOT whenever I think of something so perfect can be ruined like that.
It tears me apart how he just threw it all away like everything we had was not special, at all...
When I thought what we have was one of the rarest things to find in life.
When I thought it was one of the most genuine and true things in life.

And him to throw it out like that just because he got "tired"

No more "I don't know's"
No more "What if's"
No more "Maybe's"
No more "I hope, someday..."

I am going to make it all clear for myself at this very moment.
I am going to fight for it and stick to it.

I still miss him a lot.
but, he's gone.
everything is gone.
everything is ruined.
everything is shattered.

and he wants it that way.

I can't look at things the same anymore.

The word "happiness" or "happy" or "being happy" sounds so different and looks so different for me now... I always tell myself every night...

"Are you really happy?
Do you really know that you really are genuinely happy?
Does these things really make you happy?
Is this the life and situation that really makes you happy?
Yell, is this really happiness for you?

Are you really really happy like you tell me you are?"

Who are you...

I don't know who you are anymore...

What happened to you Yell...
Who are you...

I can't really say much because I don't know what really is going on with you at this very moment, all I know is that you've changed to be a man that I never thought you would ever be.

I can't believe you lied to your parents.
I can't believe you are doing these.

The Yell I knew, will do everything and anything just to be close to God.
The Yell I knew, will give up everything and anything just to have the Lord in his life.
The Yell I knew, don't just jump into relationships like that.
The Yell I knew, never call anyone special not unless they really work hard for it and really show their worth.
The Yell I knew, always told me that he never wanted to just date and that he only date the ones he will marry. Because what is the point of being in a relationship if you are not going to marry the person you are with.
The Yell I knew, always tell the truth to his parents.
The Yell I knew, never hide anything to his parents.
The Yell I knew, cherish every single person in his life and everything they've been through.
The Yell I knew, care for the important people in his life's feelings before he act.

Now...

Who are you...

Was it all worth it Yell?
Are you really happy?

Is this really what you always wanted...

You wanted change, and you did.
But the new Yell...

What happened to you......

I want to be there for you.
I want to be your friend.

But I am broken too.

I still can't believe that you got her that easy.
She didn't even hesitate and let you work.
I still pray for you and your future relationships.

And I don't want her to be easy.
Because girls that are easy can be easily stolen because she is lead by emotions.

I always prayed for her to be filled with wisdom and give you everything that I can't.
I want her to help and encourage you to grow in every single way possible.
Someone who would make you think.
Someone who would make you love God more and praise Him more because she is there.

I want you to have a woman that is worth your prayers.

I want you to have a woman that is hard to have, because that is when you know that she will only want you and no man can ever steal her from you.

For me,
I just have to accept that I am not that.
I will never be that woman.

I will still pray for you and your future wife, and I know it's not this woman you are with right now.

I have to accept that it's not me either.

But I know she is amazing and will give you everything that I can't.

The Lord spared me from you for a reason...
and I need to embrace that fact...

I am having a hard time to REALLY tell myself this right now LOL

Those promises...
I am not holding on to those anymore.

Maybe I was just deceived when I got those...
Because I really want to be that woman... I really wanna be your P31 lol

And if I share my testimony when I marry you, I don't know how can it glorify His kingdom anymore. It's like... God's best cheated. It's not just in the eyes of a Christian...

Even with regular people...

They're all telling me that they'll be pissed off if I ever accept you again.
I really would if you try and I tell them that.
Then they tell me that it would be like suicide lol

Ugh this blog is getting long haha

I CAN'T DO IT!!

BUT I WILL.

I will say it, I will do it, I will stick to it.

There is something better for both of us out there.
The connection we have will never fade.
But there is something better for both of us.

UGH.
I CAAANT LOL

Starting at this very moment.

MaiQui and Daryl will forever be a memory.
My puzzle piece is forever gone and fits somewhere else.
It's really over now.

MaiQui and Daryl is really over.
Forever.

There will never be an US, ever again.

Because of what happened and what you did, this will not be a good testimony to glorify His kingdom anymore..............

omg, I can't believe I am saying all these right now.
I am really putting an end to us omg. lol

I really really really want to spend forever with you still.
I still can't imagine myself with anyone but you.
I still can't imagine my future without you there.
without you and I conquering and going through life together and getting old together...

It's fun to live forever and go though life with my bestfriend ya kno lol

But the Lord's been telling me that He is doing a new thing and I know that He is moving in both of our lives and shifting everything the way He always wanted it to be so we both can have the best.

And, I want you to have the best, and have all the best things in life.
And I feel that I need to step away.... so you can have it all....

I need to let you go so you can have the best.
I felt that I stopped it all for you...

Selfish ko naman if I keep praying na ako na lang sana when there is something better for you out there. There is someone out there that can give you more than what I can offer and willing to offer.

The Lord did tell me that He will grant our prayers if we both have the same prayer.
And He will grant us what we want.

I used to always hope that you would pray the same for me and we will end up together still.

Pero selfish nga.
So aalis na lang ako for good
& kelangan ko na to panindigan talaga.

No more, "Sana...."
No more, "Someday...."

Eto na to...

I love you Labs.
Labs, miss na kita Labs ko.
Labs ko....

Mahal ko...
Baby Siopaopao ko lol

Sabi ni Tita wag daw ako magsalita ng tapos.
But at this very moment....

Tinatapos ko na.
Tinutuldukan ko na.