Jennifer.

I'm having dreams about you little slut.
Get out of my head.

I need to get Daryl out of my head too.

None of you deserve any part of my thoughts.

Whenever I see a Latina that looks like you I literally wanna punch her in the face.

Whenever I think of Yell and I am 80% there from forgiving him then I will remember you and all the things he said about you and all the things he did for you that he will not dare do to me. I start shaking and feel cold.

Katrina was the first strike.
I already forgave Yell with that one.

Yell is selfish and have no respect with women's feelings.

You little slut is the second strike.

I used to think that whoever will capture Yell's heart is a VERY BLESSED WOMAN.

But after seeing all these.
After Katrina and YOU. JENNYPOKS.

Good luck to her.

You're going to deal with a man who will do everything for you when it is convenient and makes you feel that he is loyal and betray you over and over and over.

Lord, I'm trying.

Yes you said last night, when someone hurt me don't curse them or call them names.... And just let you smite them for me for I don't know what you are doing in their lives.

But God, I am pissed off asssssss heck.

You know, I'll be okay then I'll see a yaris then I will remember when I saw them that night when he took her home at 12am.

Then I will remember that stupid date! That stupid photo! That stupid holding hands!!

And EVERYTHING HE SAID THAT DAY BEFORE HE GO.

HE WAS SO EXCITED TO GO GOD.
He was so excited to replace me and flirt with this woman!

He straight up told me that I am a horrible person and literally just told me how worthless I am by just throwing everything we have JUST LIKE THAT.

THIS WOMAN GOD.
THAT DATE.
THOSE PHOTOS.
THOSE POSTS.

GOD.
That is what
ÀRUINED EVERYTHING BETWEEN US GOD.

Maybe, if NONE of those happened
MAYBE, things will be better.
MAYBE, things will be okay someday.

But now God.
I don't know anymore.

Forgiveness...
I don't know!
I'm not you!

You know how long I forgave Marvin!
I just completely! COMPLETELY forgave Marvin LAST MONTH.

And you know, I never thought anyone can hurt me more than Marvin, but God this man did! HURT ME 10000X WORSE THAN MARVIN.

I want to forget already God.
I don't want to remember... Anything.

I don't want him anymore...

Just don't give me any man.
I don't want ANYONE anymore!

I just want you.

A year or 2 from now, God I know FOR SURE. I will still love Him if I see him again. NO MATTER HOW PISSED OFF I AM RIGHT NOW. cuz that's how stupid I am.

And I hate myself for that.

Cuz I know he will not fight for me.
I know by then he already gave up.

Or maybe if he didn't.
I will make him eat broken glass and I don't think he will be willing to do that.

I will make him have a really hard time to really see if he is still worth it.

But I know he wouldn't wanna go through that. Since when adversity comes. Knowing him, he will give up on people.

Especially how I see him right now.
I don't think he would ever pursue me.

I am still willing to give him the world.

But I don't want to feel that way anymore...
I know I will be broken again...

Maybe if he proved me wrong...
But I don't think he would wanna do that.

Jennifer is already there sweeping him off his feet.

While this beezy MaiQui is still sprung.

I am a piece of crap compared to Jennifer in his eyes. OR ANY OTHER WOMAN.

I thought I was the standard.
I thought I was the only one.
I thought I met someone who can see good things in me when I can't.
I thought I met someone who thinks that I am the most beautiful woman in the world.

Mali pala...

He just sees me like everybody else.

Curse ko ba toh God!

Literally EVERYONE, LOVES to replace me like NOTHING.

MAMA
Met someone new, chose them instead of me even if I have to grow without a mom and my siblings.

PAPA
Met a woman and chose her over me and let her trample all over me.

NIKKI
When I needed her the most, no matter how wrong Marvin is. She still chose him because they're blood.

MARVIN
Met TONS of women and replaced me OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

AND NOW YELL
The only man I thought was different. Replaced me JUST LIKE THAT. Trashed me JUST LIKE THAT. Just like everybody else. And my fear when I accept him again, it will be like Marvin 2.0

Daddy said he's not like my mom.
Nikki said he's not like Vin.

But I can't help but to be terrified...

I was so careful.
I just trusted ONE.
I was SO SURE.

I don't know.

I don't want anyone anymore.
I'll just stay with the Lord.

No more for now for now.
This is me forever.

Me and Jesus.
Serve Jesus.
Work for my mommy and daddy.
Continue to improve myself.
Reach my full potential.

But no more boys.
I'm literally locked up now.
Extra walls.
Way more than before.

If I will be single forever, even better.

Ayaw ko na.

Lord please help me forget everything.
Please...

All the pains
All the anger
All the fear
All the memories

Please make it as if he never existed.