I saw my old poems for you.

I was just looking for nice papers to draw on.

Then I saw all of my love letters that I never sent.
I saw all of the poems.
I saw all of my doodles for you.

Since March 2009

Kahit pala dati, setting our priorities straight has always been the issue. Lol

Sucks...

I hate it.

Yesterday my dad and Pandora playing all of these songs I used to dedicate to him the first time I fell for him.
Then now this.

Ano bukas?!

I saw those letters...
And I saw how it all began...

One of the things in there said that

"I will live this world and continue to be broken a billion times, but as long as I know I have you're around I know I can do anything. I've been afraid all my life to stumble and fall over and over but whenever I look in your eyes I know I will be safe."

I remember I used to say that you're my "Newly found song when I can't hear any more music around" "My perfect harmony" :'/

You were my sanctuary.

I remember how I always wanted to make you happy because you brought the colors back into my life.

But idk now.

I don't know...

I don't know if I can ever find what we have again.

I don't know if I can find the old us again...
I don't know if I can ever find what I found in you.

I failed.
I didn't make you as happy as you made me.

That's why you go searching for other people.
That's why you left.

I've never met anyone like you.

I don't know how to do this...

Focus on the Lord.
Grow and mature.
Hope for the best.

Everyone is telling me that its stupid to still want you back. Everyone saw you with that girl and everyone is saying how selfish and immature you are and that I deserve better.

But there's always this part of me that is saying that I still want to be there for you whenever you're lost. I want to help you with everything.

I always pray for you because obviously I can't stand seeing you, but I know my prayers will do a lot.

I always want to encourage you & support you. I want to be there, I want to be your partner in crime.

But since I failed.
I have to accept the truth and trust the Lord that He have this amazing woman for you that can do these things for you and love you with all her heart and give you everything she have plus more.

I hope the Lord is just calling us and refining us... And someday I will be able to be there for you again and go through life with you and serve the Lord with you and encourage all the gifts He gave you and surrender everything to Him everyday. Someday we will know to love Him first before anything else and everything will be okay.

If I am not your God's best.
Sana I can still be your best friend.

Pray ko lang that the Lord will take every love I have for you when that day comes. 'Cuz it will kill me to see you with someone else.

My anger is fading now.
I'm healing now.

I hope you're closer to God everyday and its easy to find time to be with the Lord. I hope your journal is filled with promises and encouragements from the Lord.

I miss you.

I'll continue to work on myself too.

Pagdating ng araw.
I will be strong enough to be there for you.
I will not be ashamed to be next to you.
I will be a woman you will be proud of.

I'll continue to let you go.
And just trust that the Lord knows best.

Everything will be okay.
I'll forever pray for you.
And I miss you a lot.........