UGH, Pandora and Daddy ain't helping... lol

I remember this was the song I used to listen to a lot before the first time I decided to give my heart to you. I remember we said we're gunna take it slow. I remember the time that I said you are worth any potential pains in the future... I remember you came when I gave up in life.

I talked to daddy today.
He just brought you up.

I'm going to Hawaii for my cousin's birthday and they want  me to sing and daddy said that I should still be friends with you in spite of it all.

He said, you really did helped me in a lot of things and really did changed my life.

UGH.

THOSE FEELINGS.

THEY'RE COMING BACK.




I told my dad that I can't yet, then he said if I don't forgive him sooner he might be gone.
Then I said "I don't care" LOL and my dad said I shouldn't have that much pride...

I said, how come he's still mad with my mom till today.
How he feels about my mom is what I am feeling right now.
I am deeply hurt and angry.


Then my dad said that Daryl is nothing like my mom...

He said I should just let time heal me.
But whatever happens, I should still keep him, even as a friend.

He said he is not that bad.
I should learn how to forgive.
:'/

And I said I don't know how yet...
He said just give it time.

I said I will not see you till I graduate.
He said that's too long

But I said, I want to see you when I am ready.
Done with school, have a car, great future.
Everything is OKAY.


Then I asked, if would you ever come back...
Would it ever fade...

He said it's possible that he can completely forget about me and we will be strangers again... and it will be hard to be back together since many years have passed us by.

But he said, we will never know.
There is still a little chance that you will see me and fall in love with me again and start new.







I don't know...
I want to let go, but there is this part of me that still want to hold on...




Right now, some of the bad memories are fading...
But I'm still scared that it will all happen again.
I don't want to trust him again but there is this stupid part of me that's saying that whatever he is doing right now is not part of his nature and as soon as he figure things out, he can never do it again.






I don't know....

















Nde ako sure sa lahat, pero alam ko lang miss na miss ko na xa.
& gusto ko maayos na lahat para makita ko na xa ulit.
gusto ko okay na kming dalawa agad kai God para makausap ko na xa ulit.



I want to tell him everything...

So many good things are happening to me.



I wanna tell him those little moments.

The details about my new job and how excited I am.
I wanna tell him about my first day.
I know it's not even a career job yet but I was so excited to tell him and it sucks to end my shift and I have this STRONG urge to tell him everything, but I can't.








Lord please balik mo xa ha.
Balik mo xa..... :'(


I know Your will before mine.
I know let go.





Pero God miss na miss ko na xa...
1 more year to gooo... lol :'/